X Factor reviewed!

With Jedward firm favourites to win The X Factor (or at least become the next Zig and Zag), the show can hardly be categorised as a singing competition anymore... although it’s still damn good entertainment. So, with this in mind, our weekly round-up won’t focus on vocal talent, voice projection or dancing ability (none of which seem to count for squat this series); instead, let’s discuss the real hot topics…

Cheryl Cole’s Croydon facelift: We know there’s only so much the face of L’Oréal can do with her locks, but there was no excuse for that eyebrow-raising up-do.

‘You said what?’ quote of the night from Simon: 'I will never play tactics'… whatever!!

Most ridiculous X Factor headline of the weekend: ‘Simon Cowell comfort-eating Angel Delight to cope with the backlash over Jedward.' That’s according to Sinitta anyway… But let’s not forget this is a woman so hungry for publicity she wore two palm leaves (and nowt else) on her last X Factor cameo.

Jedward’s crowd-pleasing performance: a mixture of Ant & Dec and the Pet Shop Boys. Smart song choice on Louis’ part (minimum singing, maximum rapping). We hate to admit it, but we’re starting to see what Jedward fans see in them.

The first ‘Leona’ moment of the series: when Stacey belted out the finale to Who Wants To Live Forever. It gave us goosebumps.

Dannii’s Austin Powers ensemble: Low-cut, psychedelic jumpsuit + hair extensions + crimping. No wonder Cheryl switched chairs. It’s impossible for even fashion-icon Chezza to compete with the chameleon.

Maybe we’re fools falling for the PR spiel of Cowell, but when he said, ‘It’s my fault, I let Jamie down with the song choice,’ we actually felt sorry for him (was that a waver in his voice? A tear in his eye? We like to think so). Si actually sounded, dare we say, sincere….

Do you believe Olly and Stacey are dating? Apparently, they’ve shared a kiss ‘out of sight of the other contestants’. If so, she’s a lucky girl (yes, we’re officially under the Essex boy's spell). And if we hadn’t loved him already we would for this quote, ‘I’m not going to let my little finger get the better of me.’ Priceless!

When Dermot said ‘Olly, ‘Olly, ‘Olly,’ at the end of his performance, did anyone else yell at the telly, ‘Oi, Oi, Oi’? No? OK, just us then…

Reasons Jamie Afro got the boot:
1. Those kiss curls. We liked him when he was raw and unkempt, but first his hair was pruned, then his eyebrows tweezed. On Saturday, he was so over-groomed he didn’t even look like himself.
2. Where was his lucky scarf? Did cocksure Jamie think he was so untouchable he didn’t need it anymore? Or could he not find one to co-ordinate with those uncomfortably tight red trousers. We bet he regrets it now.
3. After Simon compared Lloyd to ‘a puppy taking part in the Grand National’ every mother in the country picked up her phone to sympathy-vote on mass.

If Simon was to sack one judge, who would it be? When a caller to ITV2's The Xtra Factor suggested ditching a judge to prevent yet another Dead Lock (that’s three in a row now), Simon agreed. ‘It's a very, very, very good point,’ he said. Well he’s already tried to lose Louis once, and look how that turned out… which just leaves Cheryl and Dannii. Unless Simon’s going to up and leave the country (as he claimed he would if Jedward won).

We’ll be watching with baited breath next weekend, as Subo returns to the very same stage where she previously lost Britain’s Got Talent. Will she hold up under the pressure?