13 January 2009 at 12:31
What's the real reason you're still single?
The words ‘Are there any good men left?' is practically a mantra for single women across the world. Any single gal will be familiar with the routine of gazing around the room at a party and finding the men on offer as unappealing as the leftover bowls of dips. We have war stories about online dating, blind dates and being set up by friends. Surely the reason we're single is simple: there just aren't any decent men left.
But in this week's Grazia, writer Shane Watson, who found love at 43, asks herself if the reason she was single for so long wasn't just because all the good men had already been claimed. Could those long ten single years really be her fault? ‘I had a non-negotiable list of types of men that I was not interested in: goatee, brown shoes, jewellery, job in the City, Nehru jacket...' Shane explains. ‘But because men are only human, and we're not Angelina Jolie, even the best men are not going to volunteer for the hard slog of proving they are good enough to meet our standards.'
And that's not it. Shane also urges us to understand the different standards for single and attached women, know when to break up with the ‘going nowhere' boyfriend and get ready to dress for sex...
So do you agree with Shane's take on the modern single woman? Or do you think she's just fallen into the Smug Married trap already? Let us know below.
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- I was single for 7 long, long, long years.
My god - the books I read, the trashy films I watched - none of that little lot helped one bit - and nor do articles like this. Telling women they have to do 'this' and behave like 'that'.
Meeting the 'Right Man' is I believe - juat a total fluke.
I could go into it all but I would bore you and more worryingly sound boringly like I have nabber my man - but I know so many women like me, who were / are all the same.
You either do meet someone or don't.
Like I say - it's a fluke.
One thing - Don't ever settle for second best - it sucks!
elsiee - Hmm,
No, i don't totally agree with the comments on single women and why do you/they always asume that only 20-30-40's read Grazia then?
I have it delivered to my office every week on a standing order and look forward to it immensly. I am a young fun loving ex-songstress who is still a fashion freak at 55 and even my Daughter said " Mother why do you get Grazia, is it good, i have never read it so, i send it to her now. Back to the marriage thingy then, i have been single for some 20 odd years and was very shocked when a dear friend(male)of mine told me that people he had spoken to said i was very obviously and i quote "TOO EXSPENSIVE" well, i was horrified. I am totally self sufficient i work full time starting at 8-30am stopping at 5-45pm. I pick up my own tab and have since leaving the ex-emcumberance in 1983. I was very briefly married(5 months) to a very good con artist but, appart from that hiccup, no proposals so, took one'self off the market so to speak a long long time ago. Yes, i would love to be married, i love the feeling of belonging but, it just is not to be. I think the idea of preparing one'self for sex because you are free n single is hideous and makes me think that only attached and indeed married people have sex then? NOT!!
And, no, there is no such thing as a good man, a different man maybe but good, lets not go there eh!
Regards
A fond, avid Grazia reader.
Lindie - I am almost 18 years old and single and it has only just started to bother me. I was very happy being independent and on my own which is important when you are focusing on going to university, I was enjoying myself with my friends and never thought about dating guys or being in a relationship. However, lately I have started to really wish I was. The problem is I have zero self confidence when it comes to my appearance, even though people are always telling me that I am not un-attractive. I feel it holds me back. I have high standards when it comes to guys and always seem to like the ones that are too good for me though settling for second best is just NOT an option.
knightsbridge - I am almost 18 years old and single and it has only just started to bother me. I was very happy being independent and on my own which is important when you are focusing on going to university, I was enjoying myself with my friends and never thought about dating guys or being in a relationship. However, lately I have started to really wish I was. The problem is I have zero self confidence when it comes to my appearance, even though people are always telling me that I am not un-attractive. I feel it holds me back. I have high standards when it comes to guys and always seem to like the ones that are too good for me though settling for second best is just NOT an option.
knightsbridge - I have been single for 5 years and have been on many dates with men. I find men today are far too fussy these days and make judgement on you within the first hour of meeting. I have been rejected for not being glamorous enough, too plain, flat chested, for having eczema. What happened to taking people as you find them, doesn't a personality count or do men just want a bimbo? I have met men in clubs and pubs, internet dating etc, some men are disrespectful on dating sites as i have been asked for sex when i have never mentioned it in my profile. I am sick of men never responding to me. I have been told by my male friends that i am very pretty so why do some men not see that? I have also been told i have a great dry sense of humour so i am not completely putting myself in a corner and giving off a bad message about myself. I am not bitter about it but sometimes i wish i had what other women my age had. Dating today isn't the same as in your grandparents era when you met your partner at a tea dance most of whom are still together today unlike the high levels of divorces around today. People always say there is someone for each person but i find all the good one's are taken and the rest are either gay, married or whatever. i have found on the odd date that if your not prepared to drop your underwear then men aren't interested in you. You shouldn't be having sex on a first date anyway if people had any respect for the person they would be happy to wait.
shona79 - "I have met men in clubs and pubs, internet dating etc, some men are disrespectful on dating sites as i have been asked for sex when i have never mentioned it in my profile."
I've had this problem as well. I don't dress for sex, and one ad I replied to mentioned "hanging out" and that was all-not sex--The man even proclaimed to be a Baptist and involved in the church! But He stopped talking to me after a single day because I said I wasn't going to have sex with him.
She already is in the "smug married woman" mindset. "If you do this, this, and this, you'll get a man!" so many of these dating things focus on what the WOMAN needs to do, and I say...it's as much the man as it is the woman. She's only half the equation. And no matter how much she wants to get married or is nice and respectful and self-sufficient or helpless and entreating, if the guy just wants her for a one-night stand, and she agrees to it, or he lies to her for it, that's what's going to happen.
It reminds me so much of the "Pink Think" books published in the 50's and 60's that told a woman about keeping her "precious flower" intact and how she's responsible for attracting a male by acting female, and thus reinforcing how the male is supposed to be, blah blah blah.
If you meet the right guy, it'll happen. In the meantime, no amount of lipgloss, hairdye, or short skirts will attract a guy to a girl he isn't sexually attracted to first. I've learned this first hand, from guys who have told me this.
And changing yourself to get a date/husband? Since when was it a good thing to cash in your personality for the american dream?
Oh yeah, since forever.
JonelB
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