Potentially, I am the only one who heard ‘post-relationship pruning’ and immediately thought, ‘oh yes, that thing where you do some extra-fastidious grooming when freshly exed’.
I was way off base. Turns out, post-relationship pruning has nothing to do with getting a facial and tidying your body hair. Post-relationship pruning is actually the practice of editing out all trace of a previous relationship from social media.
A study on teens, technology and romantic relationships by the Pew Research Centre has found that ‘pruning connections’ and blocking contact on social media and mobile phones is very common amongst adolescents:
‘For teens who experience and document the history of their romantic relationships through social media and mobile devices, the end of those relationships can leave behind a trail of digital memories… These digital platforms can also offer a way for exes to initiate potentially unwanted contact, or simply serve as a visible reminder of a connection that no longer exists in person.’
The teens are on to something, something adult-age people are also doing. Because uploading a post-sex selfie might seem cute when you’re in a relationship but it’s actually a big-sad-yuck to scroll back through when things have gone pear shaped.
According to the research centre’s study ‘48% have removed someone they used to date from their phone’s address book. 38% have untagged or deleted photos of themselves and a past partner on social media. and 37% have unfriended or blocked someone they used to be in a relationship with on social media.’ This all seems like reasonable behaviour I can identify with. I, a person of adult age, have done all of these things - unfriended and detagged with zeal.
There are obvious pros to pruning, it seems like a healthy choice that promotes good growth. Deleting a number means you can’t send a 3am text you immediately regret. And being able to monitor your previous partner’s new relationship on social media is unequivocally bad for your mental equilibrium. UNFRIEND.
The cons of pruning? While I appreciate the desire to do a thorough, clean-break cull, I don’t cheerlead the delete button where pictures are concerned, it’s so permanent (I can’t be the only one who hasn’t printed hard copies of photos for a decade). Plus, the immediacy of social media means actively image erasing isn’t totally necessary - we’re constantly piling more on top, burying the old stuff.
Sometimes I look through ‘photos of me’ on Facebook and imagine the narrative I will construct around them for my potential grandchildren (the exercise requires much creativity as I’m often sporting outfits and hairstyles that require explanation). I also consider how I will tell the story of my previous romantic relationships. Cutting one of them out entirely isn’t really an option as it was seven years long - if I hacked out all trace my formative years would resemble a sandwich someone stole the filling from.
Ultimately, I think that if the images were posted in a happy moment – and they likely were, we’re all experts at filtering out the rotten stuff – then once whatever achey-breaky post-relationship rawness has faded we might wish we’d not been such good gardeners.
But for the record, let’s all agree that post-sex selfies shouldn’t ever happen in the first place.
***Words by Georgia Simmonds. ***