Break out the bunting, sound the klaxon and release the white doves – Rihanna is back on Instagram! She was suspended in May after violating the apps terms of service by posting topless pictures from her shoot with French magazine Lui, but made her triumphant return yesterday. Here’s what we can expect to see from her account, which we will obviously be checking at least fifty times a day henceforth...
1. Lots of flesh
OK, so if Rihanna’s learned her lesson she won’t be posting any more topless (or, for that matter, bottomless) pictures. Presumably she’ll be saving them for Snapchat. Or possibly Twitter. But it’s a scientific fact that RiRi is allergic to clothing fibres, so we can definitely look forward to lots of bikini/ netting/ using-my-hands-as-a-bra moments.
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2. Cartoons
If there’s one thing Rihanna loves more than selfies, it’s cartoons of herself. No idea why. Don’t ask questions.
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3. Inspirational quotes
Apparently it’s impossible to be famous and not be obsessed with posting inspirational phrases set against a backdrop of the sun setting – and Rihanna is no exception. Only, hers tend to be less along the lines of ‘If you love something set it free’, and more commonly concerned with philosophical musings such as, ‘Whoever gets her pussy the wettest is usually the least good for her’ (she actually posted that one, FYI)
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4. More wigs that Dolly Parton’s dressing room
RiRi likes to change her hair like Kim K changes her face – i.e. All. The. Time. The best way to keep up to date with these important changes is on Insta. In fact, we don’t know how we went six months without daily bulletins from the (lace) front line of RiRi’s weave.
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5. Screengrabs of her many, many achievements
Because if you can’t brag on Instagram, what’s the point?
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