27 December 2013

How Fashion 2013 Are You? Find Out If You're A True Fashion Cliché

GALLERY >> How fashion 2013 are you?

1. Loungewear

Your Boxing Day loungewear is not a onesie (so 2012) but a pair of slightly oversized tartan flannel PJ bottoms, acquired from the unisex department of American Apparel. They’re a nod at pervading trends in reduxed grunge, of course, but happen, conveniently enough, to be as cosy as the warm, buttered toast you’ll start mainlining

2. Accessories

Top of your Christmas list is an extravagant gold ear cuff. Jewels with edge are so your vibe.

3. Beauty

Your party make up is Haimaspiring: pale skin, mascara and powder-free eyes, with a garish matte tomato-red lip.

4. Flesh Flashing

Your designated erogenous zone of the season are your knees, which you flash through rips in your jeans with wild abandon, because, as you tell anyone who’ll listen, ‘knees are the new boobs’.

5. Knitwear

Your Christmas jumper is a Gudrun & Gudrun original, the knitwear that first gained international profile when Sarah Lund off The Killing wore one through the entire course of season one. Accordingly, it ticks the requisite comedy irony box, while also being beautiful, accomplished-TVreferencing, and cool.

6. Footwear

You’ve ditched ‘decadent party shoes’ in favour of Birkenstock Arizonas, which you’re wearing with socks and a cigarette pant cropped at the ankle to showcase the footwear concept to optimal advantage; OR a biker boot with cut-out ankle segments; OR slip-on Vans-style skate shoes.

7. Gadgets

Your 2013 Christmas parlour game of choice is Smartphone Internet Search History Roulette (in which all players spontaneously reveal the last five things they Googled on their phones) or What Rap Do You Know All The Way Through? (Minus points for Gangsta’s Paradise – it’s too obvious).

And your favourite thing to do when semi-reluctantly returning home to the bosom of the fam is spark up Tinder and see which of your long-forgotten friends from school are also on it – and who among them isn’t ageing at all well.

8. Hair

Your party hair is an updo wrought of complex multiple plaits, inspired by Game Of Thrones, acquired at a blow-dry bar because obviously you couldn’t do it yourself, which is why you’ll also be sleeping in it for the next few nights in the name of getting your money’s worth.

9. Hats

Your winter hat is a grey marl beanie with a contrasting fluoro bobble attached, or a knitted/fake fur ski band guaranteed to wreak minimal havoc on any hairstyle.

10. Snacks

Your party nibble of choice is smoked popcorn, the signature bar snack of the Gilbert Scott bar at the London St Pancras Renaissance Hotel, an offering so classy and delicious they’re calling it corn caviar (street name: corn crack).

Have you binned your onesie in favour of tartan PJs? Is your hair looking ever so Game Of Thrones? Then pat yourself on the back – you’re a true 2013 fashion cliché. Click through the gallery above to test your credentials...


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