The illicit TWITTER FEED we all want to read!

11 August 2011

So . . . an AMAZING new development on planet FASHWAN this week – is @condeelevator – that’s right, the lifts in the building which houses US Vogue – HAS ITS OWN TWITTER FEED! ! !  Oh my giddy Aunt!

Clearly it is not the lift itself, (although if any building was posh enough to have a lift technologically advanced enough to have its own self-updating twitter feed it would be Conde Nast, or Google or NASA) but an employee smart enough to not reveal their own name, but still kamikaze enough to have set the thing up in the first place.

More details, you ask? Well more details you shall have. You can find Condeelevator here, and its comments fall squarely into one of two categories. 1 – insincere-sounding compliments on fellow lift takers outfits, for example;

Girl: Omigod I love your dress so much I wish there was a ‘like’ button I could press.

OR

Girl #1: Hello lovely, good morning! Girl #2: Good morning. Girl #1: I love that dress. Girl #2: Thanks! I want your shoes.

OR

Probably the best thing I've overheard on the @CondeElevator: "Your eyelashes look FANTASTIC today."

The other big topic, as you might expect, is food and the non-consumption of such.

For example;

Fl 5 Lady peering at her friend's to-go box of lettuce and carrots: Ooooh, that looks good!

OR

Woman #1 to Woman #2, holding an omelet: "What's the occasion?" Woman #2: "...huh?" Woman #1: "I would need an occasion to eat that."

OR

[Girl holding brownie abashedly in elevator] Male co-worker: I'm not judging you

Because, despite the ready availability of books AND DVDs on Amazon of The Devil Wears Prada, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People AND The September Issue, people (and we are most certainly including ourselves in this) which all set in this particular office block – are ENTHRALLED by such superficial snippets of gossip.

Oh – yes the other thing that is interesting about that building . . . err what was it now. Oh yes. ANNA WINTOUR WORKS THERE. How could we forget. We LOVED this tweet;

Vogue Asst & AW in packed elevator. VA: Blah blah Duke & Duchess of Windsor-- AW: Cambridge. Duke & Duchess of CAMBRIDGE. VA: I'm sorry.

We assume that everyone in the Conde Nast building now eyes any of their colleagues seen using a smartphone in the vicinity of the lift area will now be eyed very suspiciously indeed. This person will SURELY be sacked from the company. . . .and, if past instances are anything to go by - promptly rewarded with a book deal.

-Naomi Attwood


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