So let Grazia Daily set this straight from the outset: forget feeling fat or ugly, the two things that BINTM are really going to make you feel are OLD and SHORT. This week, as BINTM rolled into Cardiff and Birmingham for the newly-added auditions phase of the competition, a very big deal was made of the height issue with all the girls being measured in a very sophisticated way (on a plastic thing, by an intern) as well as new-narrator Fearne Cotton pummelling the line that 23 is, like, TOTES past-it. >shudder<
From the look of the footage, about three people turned up to the Cardiff audition, and thusly Julien Macdonald and his 'local friend' (Fearne’s words, not ours) were forced to stalk down a street in Cardiff shouting the incredibly unlikely 'we're looking for hot young girls!' before heading to the 'Fantasy Lounge' a venue which promised 'the best erotic entertainment' in all of Cardiff. As unpromising as that sounds, this is where the boys came upon one of Grazia Daily's favourite girls so far - the lovely and oddly-shy-for-a-lap-dancer Charlotte, who has a brilliant Beyonce/Sasha Fierce alter ego 'Rosie' when she gets her jiggle on for the Fantasy Lounge clientele. Not only did she have an ace lilting Welsh accent, following every statement with 'I do', but as Julien pointed out 'she can walk in heels'. Tick.
Also this week, we learned that:
Grace Woodward is still not being very nice this series (do you reckon she found out how much Elle was earning?) and has taken to utilisinglSimon Cowell-ish statements when confronted with the more rubbish end of the potential-model spectrum ('you're making me want to fall asleep! /WHAT are you wearing - she looks worse than my nanna/You're not models, I can tell you that'). Seriously, it's a matter of time before she dons some high waisted trousers and gets a Mr Toppers haircut.
Alex, the 'plus-size model' did a great job of making genuine plus-size models look rubbish. 'Do you see why I wanted to take it off now?' she said, after unveiling her polka dot bikini. The nation, bringing to mind the likes of Crystal Renn and Johanna Dray, raised its eyebrows.
Elle Macpherson is either becoming a parody of herself, or she has employed Joan Collins to impersonate her for the auditions phase of the comp. This season, the sunglasses are permanently affixed, the hair is bigger, and the wardrobe is almost exclusively leopard print. Honestly, even her legs look longer. Julien Macdonald, meanwhile, has been styled as what one of Grazia Daily's friends' described as 'a women's mannequin in an All Saints window display'. Rude!
Fave moment? Beatrix, one of Elle's street-casting girls actually appears to curtsey when she meets Ms Macpherson. Grazia Daily is betting the production team briefed her beforehand.
Word of the series so far: 'Pizzazle'. As in 'we're looking for someone with pizzazle', not 'are you wearing a pizzazle under that?' We THINK Grace means pizzazz, but who knows.
Next week, the judges visit Manchester and Dublin, where Ronan Keating 'shows us where to find some great girls on the street'. Or so Elle told Grazia Daily at the press conference to launch the series.... Erm.
- Alex Butt