It’s back! And this time, it’s even camper than before. BINTM returned on Monday night in a flurry of ma-houssive hair and even bigger accessories (Julien Macdonald’s inexplicable fur stole, anyone?). This time, BINTM includes Ireland - hence the slightly clunky new abbreviation - and most brilliantly of all, the show now follows the judges from day one of the comp. Basically, this has added an ‘auditions’ phase, before the certain-to-be bonkers ‘boot camp’ phase, which means there is a LOT more crying, and some completely deluded wanabees mouthing off. Think ‘X Factor’, only in bikinis.
First up last night, we were introduced to the stellar roll-call of previous winners – Lucy (eh?) Leanna (hmmm), Lauren (no idea), Alex (nope), Micha (erm..), and Tiffany. Ooh! We know that one! Who says BINTM isn’t the stuff lengthy careers are made of. So what else did we learn from episode 1? Well, this much is now clear:
Julien and Grace have swapped personalities:
Julien, who modelled his persona for the last season on a sort of hybrid of Nancy Del ‘Olio and Anna Wintour, has had a change of heart for Series 7. Not only did he smile, on more than one occasion, but he was nice to at least three girls - one of whom might well be considered ‘plus size’ in fashion speak. We know! Grace Woodward, meanwhile, has evidently been hanging around with Simon Cowell so much that she has taken to laughing at the most hopeless contestants quite openly and telling them they have ‘silly little English faces’. Hmmm...
Julien’s new hair: discuss.
‘I’m turning into you!’ he told Elle MacPherson, as she remarked on his new super-bouf. Elle, in return, looked terrified.
Wearing a massive fur hat and coming third in ‘Fyfe’s Next Top Model’ does not equal a place at bootcamp:
...And nor does doing a Mrs Doyle impression. Or telling the judges that you’re ‘everything a person should be’ and ‘I’m sorry, but I’m GREAT television’, a la Melanie from London. In fact, it equals Grace and Elle peeing themselves laughing, as Charley attempts to keep a straight face. Oh, Charley!
Fearne Cotton now narrates:
We MAY be alone in thinking this, but Grazia Daily is not absolutely certain her addition to the franchise is a positive one....
NEXT week the auditions reach Cardiff and Birmingham, which results in Elle desperately shouting ‘Are there any pretty girls around’ in the Bullring. It’s a novel idea, but Grazia Daily is not convinced it’ll work...
- Alex Butt