According to US blog, style list, heart throb of all time, Johnny Depp is facing strict instructions from his equally impossibly gorgeous girlfriend, the model/actress/singer/CHANEL AMBASSADOR (for heaven's sake!) Vanessa Paradis, to (brace yourself peeps) 'get rid of his hats' (WHA?) because they take up too much storage space. 'Apparently his lids take up two rooms in their Paris apartment, and Vanessa wants them out.'
We don't swallow this entirely. Reason number one; in our heads Johnny and Vanessa's relationship is equal to their careers and personal appearances - i.e they are other-worldly, many leagues above us mere mortals and therefore it is UNIMAGINABLE that their partnership would be based on resentment of cupboard-space-allocation and nagging, in the way that Grazia Daily's home life very drearily is. *sighs heavily*
Secondly - and more scientifically, we don't believe Johnny has got two rooms worth of hats. During the course of some rigorous picture research the other week, we noticed that, while it is true Mr Johnny is rarely photographed without his splendid grey fedora, - IT'S THE SAME RUDDY ONE EACH TIME! We can tell because (with detail-checking skills that would make Sherlock Holmes feel inadequate), it's moth-eaten and old with a distinctive HOLE IN IT!
D'oh! OF COURSE we would take into consideration the possibility that Johnny has two rooms of hats, which he spends hours trying on in front of a three-way mirror before leaving the house for any event, before settling for his old familiar favourite (haven't we all done the same thing? Although with clothes, not hats).
OR That Johnny has two rooms full of hats, kept together in a hat collection that will one day be solemnly bequeathed to a museum of appropriate gravitas, like The V&A or Zandra Rhodes' Fashion and Textiles institution, but that are far too valuable to risk being worn.
If you are a reading this and you are a regular visitor to Johnny and Vanessa's Paris appartement, DO get in touch and put us out of our misery.