From the sublime to the ridiculous, the idiom goes, and Week Nine of Britain’s Next Top Model certainly proved that. After the excitement of last week’s glacier challenge, last night’s BNTM saw the remaining six girlies jump off a twenty foot scaffold rig for, er, Galaxy Ripple. No - wait. Apparently it was to celebrate that ‘wonderful floating feeling’ you get when you eat a Galaxy Ripple. Rrright. Do you think the particular bars of Galaxy Ripple in question have been laced with something other than just chocolate?
Episode Nine also saw the gorgeously feline Olivia lose out in the Elimination Room after failing to impress the judges with a so-so beauty shoot for Revlon and pretty much refusing to do the jump for Galaxy. Elimination this week, we felt, was not a shock.
Best bit of the evening was the sight of Joy holding a huge carton of milk making a cup of tea in her bathrobe as Alisha, Olivia and Tiffany sashayed past for a night out. Joy, at this point, resembled more closely the careworn landlady of a caravan park than a future Top Model. This moment of brilliance was followed by weight-gate, where Charlotte and Amelia, both beautiful and slim, bemoaned Julien’s ridiculous comments last week about Charlotte’s bottom and ended up not-quite arguing over who was bigger. ‘Jesus Christ, both of you’ said Joy to camera. ‘Shut up.’ LOVE her.
But what else did we love this week? Well, for Episode Nine, we’re styling things slightly differently. Roll up; roll up, for Grazia Daily presents The Tao of Elle Macpherson.
You are not truly famous until you reduce a series of girls to blubbering wrecks one after the other. Elle, by her very presence, reduced each of the six to tears as she looked on, beaming her luminous smile. Now THAT’S what we call power.
‘Go with the feeling that you’re having and don’t cover it up with a laugh’ says Elle to Charlotte, as she covers up the fact that she’s feeling awful about Julien’s comments with a laugh. Having met Charlotte last week, Grazia Daily has a feeling that this is one piece of advice that’s not going to stick.
Softly spoken in an Australian accent, any kind of bad news feels like a gentle hug from a koala. Elle, possibly the only person in the world brave enough to tell Tiffany she needs another hair-cut, did just that. Instead of saying what she really thought in her inimitable baritone (though we learned what she really thought later) Tiffany just cried, her spirit broken.
‘You look beautiful’ said Elle to Amelia. ‘So do you’, offered the redhead inresponse. ‘Well, that’s my job’ said Elle, in the kind of bored, exhausted tone which suggested the compliment had just been offered to her by the office joker.
‘I always through it was more interesting for a girl to use her beauty than to sell her beauty.’ Said Elle. ‘And that’s why I wanted to become a lawyer’. Oh pu-lease - we're rolling our eyes. Not, you understand, because we have doubts about Elle’s potential aspirations to become a lawyer, but precisely because it’s obvious that if she wanted to become a lawyer, she could. And would be brilliant at it. Ugh.
So to Week Ten (nearly at the fiii-naaal!) and the budget has run dry, forcing the girls to take pics of one another. Also, George Lamb drops by to have a stud-off with Charley Speed and Terry O’Neill shoots the girls in some wigs whilst they’re held aloft by a team if rugby players. Amazingly, one of the above is absolutely true. See you next time!
- Alex Butt.