Amba

As all three of the regular readers of this column will be aware, under normal circumstances we are not nearly as interested in reviewing the important events from each episode of BNTM as much as we are fond of dissecting the ridiculous and overblown background details. But, as we said, that is under normal circumstances and for that we rely upon nothing shocking really happening in BNTM. But this week, people, something shocking DID happen! Elle and the judges have only gone and kicked out Amba. Eh?
 
Now, we fully admit that we’ve not been Amba’s greatest exponents - initially we found it hard to get over the idea that she was a low-rent Noemie Lenoir and latterly she's just irritated us - but all the time she’s consistently been middle-of-the-road good in the shoots and challenges. Not properly up-and-down good, like Joy (more of which later) or consistently kind-of-rubbish like last week’s evictee Delita. But middling, like a British summer forecast >looks out of window<.

Amelia

In the Elimination Room last night, though, the judges’ patience ran out for some inexplicable reason. ‘Amba’, said Elle at eviction, ‘you can be anything you want to be’. Except, par example, Britain’s Next Top Model, we thought to ourselves, as this has evidently fallen just short of her grasp. Ah well. Grazia Daily loved the moment Elle shared her homespun wisdom with Amba, not least because we’d like to believe that she repeats ‘you can be anything you want to be’ every day to herself in the mirror. Followed by ‘only the weak get old.’
 
Anyway. Enough of that – what else is in the basket of madness this week? Well, it is this.

Charlotte

WTF Outfit Of The Week.
 
Good lord, it was frightening out there last night. Under normal circumstances, we would almost certainly devote this section to either Julien’s black satin shirt and bow-tie combo, or Alesha Dixon’s ill-fitting dress which seemed to be crafted from the contents of a paper shredder, but both have been saved by the lovely Grace Woodward. Now Grace, darling, you know we love you, but what the HELL was that outfit all about? Seemingly overwhelmed by having to spend an entire morning at Gatwick Airport, the gorgeous and incredibly stylish Miss W. had dressed as a pensioner en route to Malaga in a head-to-toe monochrome leopard print pantsuit. Ye Gods.
 
‘Sorry Miss Macpherson’ Moment Of The Week.
 
‘When you go to work, you represent Britain’s Next Top Model’ said Elle to Joy after she had spectacularly screwed up hawking Alesha Dixon’s jewellery collection on Gems TV by saying the ‘F’ word. Twice. 'You represent this brand and you represent me' she went on. 'When you’ve had the attitude you’ve had over this week, you don’t do us justice. You’ve let me down, you’ve let Form B down and you’ve let yourself down. Now go back to the house and think about what you’ve done.*'

*We may have made some of this up.
 
Surprising Shoot Of The Week
 
Tiffany with the peroxide crop, who usually wears the petulant expression of an eight year old confronted with a healthy snack, actually smiled this week. And we liked it. Whilst we’re not totally sold on the last blonde standing yet (we’re totally with you styl3 when you say she seems to think she’s above it all, but we’re willing to concede that it might just be the voice) we do think she is waaay more appealing without the death stare. More of that please.

Tiffany

Nobody Likes Kirsty Moment Of The Week

The girls were all given £500 to spend at Gatwick before learning they were to fly to Spain for a swimwear shoot, billed as ‘emergency’ (which makes one wonder who, exactly, was surprised by the summer coming). Kirsty cried because she was overwhelmed by all the gifts bestowed upon her by the good people at Living. We might have cried, too. But none of the other ladies cared. Literally, nobody. Not a jot. She should watch her back.  
 
So, with Amba gone we’re left with Joy, Tiffany, Amelia, Kirsty, Charlotte, Olivia, Nicola and Alisha. But who’s next for the chop? Well, the girls are ‘thrust into the spotlight on the set of Hollyoaks’ next week (truly, the star wattage has dimmed since Beyonce week) and another three hopefuls are taken out to get lashed before heading to work with a hangover. And you thought modelling wasn’t like the real world. See you next week!

- Alex Butt