Week Five of Britain’s Next Top Model was one of those brilliant episodes where everything started to fall into place. Delita, having spent the last five weeks gadding about like an eager yet moronic fawn, was finally voted out and the remaining girlies have positioned themselves pretty clearly into three camps; the good, the bad and the unable to master more than one facial expression. Which for a model, you might argue, is almost the same as ‘the bad’.
However, before we get started, we’re going to get straight to it and say this: we were hoping for a whole lot more Beyonce from Episode Five. After being promised that the bootylicious one was setting this week’s challenge, we were expecting all sorts of themed activities, so it came as something of a disappointment to see that The Knowles had only recorded a two second clip on what appeared to be Jay Z’s iPhone. What could she have been doing that was SO important she couldn’t come and personally mentor the girls? I mean, it’s not like she… Oh, wait a minute. Yeah. Ok. Maybe you’re right.
Putting Beyonce to one side for a moment, our breakout stars this week were Nicola, Alisha and Charlotte. Alisha is one of the only girls to have improved week after week and this time round, deservedly, she was a huge success at both the photo shoots. Tick. Nicola was so good in the shoot for Palmers that the client is using the image in a future campaign. Big Tick. And Charlotte, who is described as ‘commercial’ a lot, which we take to mean ‘not at all weird looking’ is successfully morphing from Miss Cornwall to Miss Catwalk. Even Julien likes her now. TICK!
So, what else did we learn between the hours of 9pm and 10pm last night? Well my dears, we learnt this:
Having a weird voice is deeply unsexy.
This may or may not be the reason that Kate Moss has spoken on camera precisely one and a half times. Last night at the Beyonce shoot, one after another, the girls sashayed down the catwalk under the instruction of Karl Plewka, all looking equally faboosh, removing their coats and coming to a standstill and then – and THEN – murdering the punch line. Seriously. Killing it. In the blink of an eye, we understood why they always seemed to dub Helena Christensen in those L’Oreal adverts.
Julien’s ‘Mr Nasty’ mask is starting to slip.
Would you like to know why? It is because of this: whilst none of his insults make sense (‘you look like you should be eating a Cornish pasty’ et al) when he gives advice, it is totally on point. Mean, yes, but apposite. Last night he told Joy from Leeds that she needed to ‘get it together’ and stop treating the competition as a joke. We had been dying to say this to her all evening. Which leads us to….
Somewhere, between Week One and Week Five, Joy went from being really good to quite rubbish.
Perhaps we have been too preoccupied with Tiffany and her awful cropped haircut (we admit it; it does make her look like a blonde potato) to pay Joy enough attention, but last night we were struck by this: Joy, with her spectacular cheekbones looks more like a supermodel than any of the other girls. But – and here’s the kicker – she walks like a builder. And not even a very elegant builder at that. WTF?
And finally, in our new occasional ‘fashion dictionary’ section, we have the word ‘Glasses Person’.
In the real world, like in Guildford, ‘Opticians’ are people who sort out your eyes and give you glasses. Not in fashion. In fashion, Grace tells us that this is a ‘Glasses Person’. Optician = OUT. Glasses Person = IN. Remember that, ok?
Unsurprisingly, for those of you au fait with the format, next week we go from nine girls to eight. But before that the girls are set a challenge by Alisha Dixon (bet SHE stays around for the whole episode) and are flown somewhere hot to do a swimwear shoot with someone who looks like Elle but isn’t. For an existential reading of Episode Six, we’ll see you here on Tuesday!
- Alex Butt
Alex Butt is Grazia Daily's self-anointed BNTM Chief Correspondent, and will be reviewing the show every week here on the site. Alex would love to hear your thoughts on each episode and any queries you may have about the show. Please post your thoughts below and we’ll try and pick up on as many as possibly in our weekly reviews of the show...