So much went on in Week Four of Britain’s Next Top Model that at one point Grazia Daily wondered if the whole series wasn’t turning into some giant nihilistic riddle, like Lost. Or Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. Characters popped in and left, there were two evictions, a double go-see, two shoots and one almighty showdown. And yet, whilst some girls (Amba and Amelia) got worse and others (Joy and Olivia) got better, the whole episode felt a little bit purgatory-like because nobody really seemed to make any ACTUAL progress.
For Susan and Harleen, their stay in limbo was over. Susan, who was kicked out dramatic style by our favourite two judges (Grace and her glasses) mid-show left in an awesome/horrendous art-school granny jumper with sheep on it. Harleen, meanwhile, was afforded the dignity of leaving via the ER (Elimination Room), which means a hug and a pep talk from Elle Macpherson and full-on fox-gear; heels and short skirts and big massive curls.
There were celebrity guests, too - Nicola Roberts, looking gorgeous, mentored the girls on an anti bullying shoot, but best of all there was an enormous fight over a roast (if it was pork we would have totally understood. Who likes roast pork? Exactly). Actually, it was about Amba’s attitude and ended with everyone telling her that they didn’t like her in that way which sounds like an intervention ‘you need to be aware that…’ but is actually just ‘we don’t like you’ except better phrased.
Aanyhoo. Here’s what we learnt this week:
Poses Count #1
Susan’s poses at the Miss Sixty go see were so woefully bad they gave us nightmares. ‘They weren’t that nice to me’ said Susan as she came out of the casting, in which she worked the ‘dodgy watch seller’ (half open jacket) and 80s hair model (split ponytail). Well, no, Susan they weren’t nice to you. Because you were cack. So cack, in fact, that after the William Tempest casting Susan was asked to leave. This is a shame, because we rather liked Susan, with her Julianne Moore hair and Nicole Kidman’s old face. Alas, she failed to master that one thing which models have and the rest of us do not possess: Not Looking Stupid In Pictures.
Poses Count #2
Amba, who we fully admit we have underestimated (you were right, sara1) had a pose which involved holding her heel behind her leg in an insouciant way. ‘Everyone’s tried that today’ said Julien Miachon, booker at Models 1. ‘They’ve obviously been stealing my poses’ retorted Amba, who promptly went back stage and kind-of called everyone else ‘pathetic’ in a passive aggressive way. Result: Amba does a demented backwards crab on her next shoot, everyone hates her over the roast not-pork and she’s forced to hear why everyone thinks she’s a diva. God, Amba. It’s like, totally not your pose anyway. I’ve been doing it all morning, yeah?
If BNTM actually was ‘Lost’, then Delita would be the Smoke Monster.
Why? Because in the absence of her being crucially important to the emerging story arc, there is no possible reason for her to still be in the competition. She is, indeed, a gorgeous girl and she’s funny and immensely likeable. But she cannot model for toffee. Or, we imagine, a Curly Wurly. Even if Julien dangled it from his teeth. If Delita is good next week then we will happily rethink our opinion, but as of Week Four she has not been much cop in any of the shoots. It’s gotta be a cover for something else, right?
Nobody can look at Elle.
‘We didn’t want to look at her’ says Pre-Raphaelite haired Amelia at the start of the shoot for (PRODUCT) RED ‘because she’s so pretty’. Well imagine how we feel, Amelia, with our muffin tops and patchy self tan. At least you’re a model! After an episode of BNTM we feel about as well groomed as Susan Boyle’s left eyebrow.
So, to next week and we have one word for you: Beyonce. Yes, THAT Beyonce. The megastar asks the girls to model for her new perfume in Week Five and we fully expect the results to contradict everything we have learnt thus far. See you in seven days my lovelies!
- Alex Butt
Alex Butt is Grazia Daily's self-anointed BNTM Chief Correspondent, and will be reviewing the show every week here on the site. Alex would love to hear your thoughts on each episode and any queries you may have about the show. Please post your thoughts below and we’ll try and pick up on as many as possibly in our weekly reviews of the show...