We can hardly breathe. It was makeover time on last night’s Britain’s Next Top Model and let us tell to you this: there are very few things that we love more than a makeover and BNTM did not disappoint one little bit. Crops! Weaves! Tears! Oh, honey, week three had more going on than an episode of Ten Year’s Younger. Only with less orthodontic work.
Before we got to the preening, though, there was a challenge in which the girls were asked to rifle around in the Rokit warehouse and choose a vintage outfit in five minutes. The challenge was introduced by Miquita Oliver (cue more screaming) and like a demented bunch of tweenage girls at a Justin Bieber concert, the final thirteen went cer-ay-zee.
Kirsty lost the challenge but ended Episode Three in the same position as she began it. In front. Even Julien said ‘she sets a standard for the rest of the girls to follow’ which was an unprecedented piece of niceness from the man who told former Miss Cornwall (no, seriously) Charlotte that she looked like ‘she should be eating a pastie’. We didn’t actually think he was going to stick to food-based insults, but…
The final two this week comprised of feline featured Olivia and Rochelle. In the absence of anyone volunteering to leave in order to pursue a career in HR or something, Rochelle lost out to Olivia. Rochelle had earlier been told by the makeover team that they were 'going to make you Naomi’, which suggests that after being voted out she went back to BNTM towers and did something unspeakable with a mobile phone.
We kid, we kid. But what else did we learn from the girls this week? Well nothing. But there sure were some things we could have told them already…
Things We Could Have Told The Girls Already:
Vintage Shopping Cannot Be Done Quickly.
You will know this – being the incredibly stylish people that you are – vintage shopping is about slowly selecting rather than manically grabbing. For that we have Primark. Delita, God love her, ended the vintage challenge looking as if Pixie Geldof’s wardrobe had been sick on her in a padded shouldered, cropped sequined jacket. FAIL.
If You Don’t Know Something, Keep It To Yourself.
Alisha, who was given a serious crop in the makeover which made her huge eyes even more saucer-like, did not know what ‘vintage’ was. Last week Alisha didn’t know what a Curly Wurly was. Who IS this girl? Has Elle been keeping her in a box somewhere, with nothing but Enid Blyton stories for company?
Elle Can Do EVERYTHING.
When Noemi Lenoir was randomly introduced as a guest judge in the ER (Elimination Room – keep up!) we learned that Elle speaks French. With a seemingly perfect accent. Oh, of COURSE Elle speaks French with a perfect accent! She’s probably going to be displaying a new talent every week. Next week; cupcake baking, Week Five – a high wire in Louboutins.
Do Not Scorn The Blondes.
This week’s drama came in the form of Tiffany And The Crop, which was the haircut Elle had insisted the elfin blonde should have. Elle wanted it ‘reeeeally short; like a pixie’ whereas Tiffany, who cried throughout the shearing, did not want it ‘reeeeally short’ but ‘reeeeally pretty-much-the-same-as-it-already-was.’ Elle did not help matters by telling an incredibly tactful story about the time her hair was ‘buzzed up the back’ and she hated it. Tiffany responded by telling us that she had ‘cried all night and all morning’ whilst doing her very best death-stare directly into the camera, and by the time we made it to the ER, Elle introduced Tiff as ‘the very beautiful Tiffany’ in a move Grazia Daily recognised as overcompensation by the use of flattery. Fight! Fight! Fight!
So, to next week and what can we expect? Well, Elle bakes cupcakes for all the girls, Nicola Roberts pops in to take charge of a singalong and Julien leads the ladies in a ‘how to be a diva’ workshop. Probably. Possibly. Or not at all. Whatever happens, we’ll see you on Monday!
- Alex Butt
Alex Butt is Grazia Daily's self-anointed BNTM Chief Correspondent, and will be reviewing the show every week here on the site. Alex would love to hear your thoughts on each episode and any queries you may have about the show. So what did you think of Episode Two? The judges ? The girls? Please post your thoughts below and we’ll try and pick up on as many as possibly in our weekly reviews of the show...