04 June 2010

Happy Birthday Angelina - this is your life!

Saucy temptress. Humanity-saving humanitarian. Mother of an ever-expanding rainbow brood. Wearer of slinky black dresses... We could go on, suffice to say that, since skulking into our lives, Angelina Jolie has been privy to various labels and has staged many a mind-boggling moment – snogging her own brother was quite the shocker, no? So in celebration of her 35th birthday on this fine Friday, we bring you our ode to Ms Brangelina. Here are her most memorable moments...

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1986: Aww! Little Angie, seen here with Jon Voight, was a self-proclaimed daddy’s girl – until daddy told the world his daughter has "serious mental problems". Woops.

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1994: At 19 years old, the sultry seductress is born. Is that the noise of Jen quaking in her boots...?

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1995: Angelina met her first hubby-to-be, Jonny Lee Miller, on the set of Hackers. For the wedding, she wore skintight rubber trousers with Jonny’s name written across her white blouse. In her own blood. So, er, romantic...

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1999: The actress hits the bottle and goes blonde (oh no!) then wins her second Golden Globe (oh yay!) Ok, you can stop smooching the globe now, Angie... No really, stop.

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2000: At this point, we’re becoming concerned that our Ange has a strange fascination with nuzzling fresh-out-the-tin trophies with her infamous bee-stung lips, for here she is nibbling her SAG and her Oscar awards. So THAT's how she stays so trim!

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2001: Now it’s Billy Bob Thorton’s turn to be tongued, tattooed then divorced. What a lucky boy.

2002: Since being appointed as Goodwill Ambassador, Angelina opted for sleek (read: now that I'm helping the world, I don't have time to preen) hair and very paired-down make-up. What a transformation!

2003: Oh yes, the bootiful Brit of curvilious proportions who became the focus of all male sexual fantasies (no, we don't mean Jordan). It's indeed Lara Croft and her Tomb Raiding ways. Go get 'em gal!

2003: And here comes babba numero uno: little Maddox, plucked from Cambodia to be her adopted son. It's time to prepare for quite the rollercoaster, kid...

2004: Next, Angelina flies to Sudan and does her bit by getting stuck in and helping the refugees. How can you not love her here?

2005: Uh oh. Angelina and Brad. On set. Playing a fiesty married couple, oozing with sexual tension... And we all know what happened next...

2006: Because before you can say 'Brangelina', a blooming Angie with a Shiloh-shaped bun in the oven appeared. It was the most anticipated baby since Jesus Christ, apparently. But surely it's unfair for one person to hog all those superhuman genes? Indeed, she was soon popping out that adorable duo, Vivienne and Knox in 2008, as well as adding Ethopian Zahara and Vietnamese Pax to the mix. Please can you adopt us next Brange?

So with a beautiful hoard of kiddlywinks under her belt and a stonking career churning away (we cannot wait to see her starring alongside Mr Depp next year!), here's to another 35 years of eye-popping, front-page-making episodes from the inhumanely fabulous Angelina. Cheers to you and your happy day!

by Jessica Vince


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