22 July 2014 by

'Why I'm Proud To Be Happily Married To A Man... But Still Bisexual'

With Anna Paquin publicly taking down anyone confused about bisexuality in marriage, Grazia writer Anna Hart explains why she's proud to be happily married to a man... but still bisexual.

[Writer Anna Hart]

 

Anna Paquin has been speaking out again this week about after having tweeted ‘Proud to be a happily married bisexual mother. Marriage is about love not gender” in support of Gay Pride month in Los Angeles last month. On Late Night with Seth Meyers, she said “There's people that think that monogamy and bisexuality are mutually exclusive. That's their problem not mine.” I understood right away why she’d been moved to do so.

Like Anna, I identify as bisexual, and like her, I’ve been married to a man for the past four years. But the strange thing about bisexuality is that it becomes oddly invisible once you enter a committed relationship; move in with a man and people assume you’re straight, marry a woman and people assume you’re gay.

Anna Paquin’s tweet was a powerful way of reminding people that you don’t stop being a bisexual woman just because you marry a man.

I was 19 and studying in Glasgow when I realised that my sexuality wasn’t as straightforward as I’d thought. I met a beautiful girl called Lola* at a student party. We both fell hard and fast for each other. The only complicated bit was deciding what to tell people about it. Coming out as gay, whilst far from , wouldn’t have been a serious problem; my friends and family have always been brilliantly open-minded and loving. Lola and I went out for nearly a year, then drifted apart during the university summer holidays.

Anna Paquin (here with husband Stephen Moyer) has revealed she's bisexual [Getty]

I went on a few dates with guys, but was pretty much single for two years. Then in my final year I met a psychology student called Mia, who became my second significant girlfriend. We went out for nearly a year before we broke up, but we stayed good friends, and years later, at a 30th birthday party I went to with Mia, I met the man who I very quickly realised would become my husband.

People often ask how Sean responded when I told him that I was bisexual, expecting some sort of jealous showdown or years of relationship therapy. Nope, he was fine about it from the start, like the open-minded man he is. After our first kiss that night, I clumsily said, “Er, I should probably tell you that I’m Mia’s ex-girlfriend”. His eyebrows raised a couple of millimeters, then he grinned and said, “Well, I’ve always had a lot in common with Mia.”

And four years into my marriage, people occasionally ask, “Do you still consider yourself bisexual, then?” Um, of course I do. My present doesn’t wipe out my past. A committed relationship with a man doesn’t make me ashamed of my relationships with women. Which is why, like Anna Paquin, I’m proud of my sexuality.

The full version of this article is in this week's issue of Grazia, on sale now.


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