25 February 2014 by

Why I Wrote This: I Had A Miscarriage At Work

Grazia's Louisa Pritchard talks about the pain of miscarriage. Credit: Cat Stevens

One in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage. Yet for anyone who has been through the agony of losing a longed-for baby, it’s something we rarely talk about. So why is it still such a taboo subject?

In this week’s issue of Grazia, I’ve written about my own personal experience of miscarriage… something that even today I struggle to come to terms with.

My husband and I had been trying for a baby for three years – and had gone through a series of hospital tests – when I finally got pregnant in December 2010.

I can’t describe how deliriously happy I felt. Yet it wasn’t to last, and at nearly nine weeks – sat at my desk, at work – I lost our baby.

As anyone who has been through it will know, devastated doesn’t even touch the surface. What followed was days, weeks, months of tears and unbelievable, gut-wrenching sadness. And it was made worse by the fact that, aside from family and a few close friends, I hadn’t told anyone I was pregnant.

As such, it became an all-consuming secret that my husband and I carried around. After all, how do you tell someone you’ve had a miscarriage when they didn’t even know you were pregnant?

It’s only now, over three years on, that I’ve finally felt able to talk about my miscarriage (before then I couldn’t actually say it out loud without bursting into tears). And I’ve already heard from women who’ve been through a similar experience, but just never felt able to tell anyone.

It feels like a silent army of women carrying around the secret pain of miscarriage – and it really shouldn’t be this way.

Miscarriage is so common but SO unspoken. Look round your office and I’m willing to bet at least one of your colleagues has experienced it.

For anyone who hasn’t been through it, it’s hard to understand how someone can be so devastated to lose something they never really had. At nearly nine weeks, our baby may only have been 2cm long but they had fingers and toes. They were on the way to being.

That they never got the chance is what makes me cry to this day.

For help and support, visit The Miscarriage Association or The Miscarriage Clinic.

The full article is in this week’s issue of Grazia, on sale now.

 


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