It’s approaching the end of another year. And what a year it’s been: the jubilee, the Olympics, Boris Johnson getting stuck on a zipwire and possibly the most stylish monkey on the planet shopping in IKEA. But, alas, there has been some things that have really got under our skin (dip-dye anyone?). So, to fuel our angst and irritability, we made a list of them. There were probably more than 20, but we didn’t want to upset ourselves even more. Feel free to add to the list below!
You might think it sounds cool. Wacky, even. But when you put ‘hashtag’ in front of anything and SAY IT OUT LOUD, you sound like a douche. Also, please can we leave the #overzealous #hashtags on actual Twitter in the past, where they belong. And don't go hashtagging with your hands while you're at it.#TA.
Sorry Louise, but didn’t you, um, leave the UK? And err, politics too? Yet, somehow, you’re still in our lives creating Twitter rows, featuring in our newspapers, generally drawing attention to yourself and basking in the attention. Enough now, as Andrew Lincoln bravely said in Love Actually. Enough.
They may be cute, snuggly and oh-so-perfect for winter, but they’re also all we hear about at the minute – and the most awkward, despair inducing nightwear for a midnight toilet stop. It’s too cold for that. Unless you are this ninja baby, put the onesies away.
Vajazzles – still here, still causing havoc
To be honest, we always thought it was repulsive pretty weird decorating things down there but now it’s just gone too far. After a reported 50% rise in hospital A&E visits due to them (we’re not quite sure), we declare the vajazzle not only quite rank, but a health hazard too.
Fifty Sha… Oh God, we can’t even say it anymore
Really, we can’t bring ourselves to talk about it properly, but you get the gist: the male protagonist, the female protagonist, the S&M, the countless women telling us how much it improved their sex lives, seeing its cover on the tube, on the bus, on your mum’s bedside table. Please stop.
‘Call me maybe’
Just literally feels like being stabbed in the ears, that’s all. But this Geordie version is pretty funny.
Studs/Disco Pants/Meggings/Entire outfits made of jersey
We REALLY don’t want to take anything studded into 2013. Especially those wooden platform boots with studs/spikes up the heel (and come to think of it, platform boots generally). Disco pants are too close for comfort for us, and meggings and having a jersey party below your face are self-explanatory, Justin Bieber.
Sorry, Chris. We thought you were sweet (kind of) to begin with. But we just can’t tolerate that Liverpudlian tic (like) and those diva strops anymore. Soz, like.
You moaned for months about the transport, the overcrowding and the ‘tackiness’ of it all. But when the Olympics arrived, your commute time was actually halved, not doubled, and everyone in London suddenly became SO VERY HELPFUL and KIND for a few weeks. Oh how we loved it when you shed a patriotic tear as Victoria P/Jess E/Mo F standing on the podium and subsequently ate your words. And on another separate, but equally important note, if London 2012 didn't happen, this tumblr of Mo Farah running away from things would NEVER HAVE EXISTED. Think about that.
Haylor Swyles/Tarry/Can we just use proper names now please
OK, usually we’re partial to a bit of a name merger. But when we heard Harry Styles and Taylor Swift were rumoured to be dubbed Haylor or Tarry, we saw the error of our ways. We’re sorry. We promise NEVER to use this acronym – we hope you’ll join us.
Speaking of Harry: Caroline Flack’s shorts
They even made it to Dermot’s wedding. Just try a dress, or trousers, or something. Anything.
We know. You think you invented it, along with the other half a million people in London alone who ‘copied’ your look. You didn’t invent it. And it looks quite silly. We suspect Nicki did this with felt tip pens.
Pippa Middleton’s book, complete with ground-breaking tips such as: ‘Serving alcohol is a great way to entertain guests’ and that if you’d like ice, fill up an ice tray and pop it in the freezer. Thanks, Pip.
The X-Factor was dire, Made in Chelsea and TOWIE ridiculous (erm, live episode anyone?). But the one that really got our goat was I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. Not for anything other than the fact that Nadine Dorries was in there. And she’s even more annoying since she came out. Also, can someone tell Jamie, Spencer and Proudlock that saying ‘BOI’ fifty times per episode is not, and never has been cool.
We didn’t really want a timeline. We still don’t. We don’t like the pressure of the ‘artsy’ cover photo, or the fear-inducing thought that our online past is just one click away on the years tab. What happened to the days when everything was lost three days later and your profile was a picture of, err, your face?
The world ending/the date 12.12.12 and Twitter
Please stop talking about it. If it happens, we’ll happily hang our heads in shame and disbelief. Oh, and 12.12.12 is a date and nothing more. Plus, everyone has access to a calendar and a clock. So you probably don’t need to tweet about it.
Basically all of the Christmas adverts
… And their sexist undertones. Especially you, ASDA.
Saying any of the below out loud:
LOL, LMAO, ROFL, HASHTAG (see above), LULS, EMOSHE.
It was amazing for the first few weeks. Then we got overload. Now we never want to see another peplum hem again.
See above, replace ‘peplum’ with ‘Gangnam style’. And feel for these poor students who made the 'worst parody ever' with Spartan High School Style. Oh heck.