Things That You Only Know When You Have Big Boobs…

20 August 2014 by

Kim Kardashian [Getty]

Bra-shopping: for those of us ‘blessed’ with a size stretching to the mid-section of the alphabet, is anything but fun. It’s hard to feel inspired when you’re looking for cups the size of your own face. But not any more! Because, finally us curvy women have got a break.

M&S launched a brand new range of - wait for it - sexy and supportive bras for DD-G-clad ladies. Apparently, it promises to be everything that the current beige atrocities we’re so often subjected to aren’t - stylish, gorgeous, dare we say it… delicate. Leading lingerie company Triumph has also out-done itself in the innovation stakes. You know that pesky wire; the perpetrator behind that daily bra-dump many of us do as soon as they step in the door from work? Gone. Vamoosed. In its place are super-svelte (and infinitely more comfortable) stands of silicone. Possibly the, er, breast idea ever. It’s truly bra-dical stuff.

And it means, ultimately - with Figleaves and Freya already leading the way in the bra stakes - that there is FINALLY hope for us fuller-busted ladies. Which is light relief considering all the other delights that mammoth mammaries bring with them - here’s just a few of the things I wanted to ‘get off my chest’…as the things you only know when you have big boobs.

Grazia's Zoe Beaty


1. Nobody thinks twice to ask what size they are…

Really, so glad you asked! Please refer to the ‘30F’ badge I wear at all times in case a situation like this arises (hourly). Also, could you direct me to your manners, please?’

2. ‘Fitted’ shirts don’t fit

Ever. Also see strapless bras, bikinis (which, inevitably, consist of a size 10 bottom and size 16 top), and any ‘top’ garment in your dress size which does not contain elastane.

3. Cleavage Crumbs are a thing

Crumbs, seatbelts, cross-over bags entire meals - if it can find a way in, it’s probably not getting out for a while. Once I took my bra off to find a medium-sized remote control lodged in the abyss. Didn’t even notice.

4. Running will never be your thing

Or,  sometimes , just walking. Holding on to your bra straps (or simply clutching your entire chest as best you can) becomes second nature to us. And if there’s one thing our ancestors have taught us, it’s that one sports bra will never be enough to control them (or stop the pain). Finally, nothing will ever be as gross as real, soggy boob sweat.

5. You know why they’re called ‘knockers’

As in, they send everything in their sight flying. Trying to reach a bowl on the table? Boobs will knock over the glass in front of you. Want to squeeze past that quiet gentleman on the bus? Only if boobs can go first! They’re only content when they’re (actually) propped up on the bar. Still, you’d never change them…

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Renee A. Perkins (Thu Aug 21 01:45:21 BST 2014): That new line sounds great, but it stops at G. I'm a H-cup. :(