11 Reasons Why We Wouldn't Want To Party With Rihanna, Beyoncé & Co.

28 March 2013 by

Another Friday night, another bottle of cheap house plonk interspersed with some questionable (but eager) moves, and long, pizza-clad walk home from the pub with your mates. Sound familiar?

But what if your friends were the likes of Rihanna and Chezza Cole herself? VIP nights out, a cheeky strip club or two or even shaking some single-lady moves with Beyoncé… It couldn’t get any better – apparently.

Because a new survey celebrating the release of the new Panasonic Lumix XS1 says that whilst we're necking one too many Rioja’s with mates over the weekend, we're secretly wishing we were bopping the night away with Rihanna and Cheryl Cole (who topped the poll with 20.2% of the vote each), Beyonce, Lady Gaga and The Saturdays - in that order. Yep, according to the survey, most 18-24 chose these ladies as their ideal party partners.

But, we say: be careful what you wish for. Frankly, we couldn't think of anything worse - for reasons outlined below.

1. Because when we're dancing with Rihanna, we think we look like this:

Rihanna dancing


We don't.


2. Because we can guarantee Chezza would love our cheeky Geordie impressions.

She wouldn't.

 Cheryl Cole not impressed

3. Because Lady Gaga would turn up wearing that new gun bra you bought ESPECIALLY FOR TONIGHT AND NOW CAN’T WEAR.


Lady Gaga's Guns

4. Because even if you were over the chuff with your slick outfit choice…


… Beyoncé’s only going to walk all over that sh*t.

 Beyonce Is Queen

5. And then annihilate you on the dance floor. Again.

 Beyonce Dancing Queen

6. Because even if you’re owning the dance floor, you can always count on The Saturdays to turn up with some hot routine.

The Saturdays dance routine

The Saturdays dance routine

7. And you can bet you weren't on the email discussing outfit co-ordination.

 The Saturdays outfits

8. Because you know that awkward moment when you realise that you're sort of, probably, the outsider in this particular group? Yeah, that.

 Sadie Saxton

9. Because you’re going to have to spend all night convincing Rihanna that, no, strip clubs are not cool.

Rihanna Strippers

And, no. JUST NO. 

Rihanna Stripper Instagram.


10. Because we don't want to be the friend on the other side of the camera when this happens.

Soz, Ri-Ri.

Rihanna Instagram


11. Because at the end of the night, Cheryl Cole looks like this:

Cheryl Cole night out


...while we’re looking like this:


And feeling like this:


In conclusion: stick to your local.


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