12 Ways To Get Over A Break-Up

04 February 2013 by

Whether you're the dumper or the dumpee, break-ups are the very worst. Ask Justin Bieber, who has finally spoken out about his break up with Selena Gomez: "I'm not in the happiest place that I've ever been," he told MTV. "I'm trying to get through what I'm going through. Like I said, I have my really close friends to cheer me up and keep me going." Doesn't it just kill you. In memoriam to the Bieber/Gomez union, we asked one writer, Oscar Rickett, to impart his own 12 step plan for getting over a break-up which, rather nobly, he did. (FYI Justin: Oscar's Twitter is at the bottom of this page. Feel free to hit him up for step 13 onwards).

'‘Tis better to have loved and lost / than never to have loved at all', Victorian poet Alfred Tennyson famously wrote. Given that most relationships today aren’t ended by such glorious things as imperial war, cholera or public hanging, you might be tempted to say: “No, Alfred, Lord. No amount of love is worth being tormented by my ex’s continued existence, by their mysterious tweets, hot Facebook pics and presence at the water cooler”.

You’d be wrong though, because the poet is still right and when it comes to getting over your break-up there are several things you can do that’ll help you get to a point where you can say, to a crowd of baffled onlookers: “yeah, I guess it is better to have loved and lost”. 

1. Accept you’ll never completely get over someone…

They’re in your blood. Possibly literally (I don’t know much about Science). Accept that you’ll always be at least a tiny amount haunted by them and proceed with the plan.

2. Live for a while in your pain

Walk along desolate shores muttering things like “worlds end every day” and “here I am with the souls of lonely places”. Listen to Now That’s What I Call Miserable Music! Shout out the name of your lost love in parks. People will think you’re calling your dog.

3. Read…

With all the box sets and social obligations it’s hard to actually get around to reading if you’re in a Modern Relationship. Forget about the third season of Borgen, it’s time you read the third book of Borges, pal! Also, given all the thoughts you’ll be having about life and love, now is a good time to read because you might finally identify with some of the romantic and sophisticated things writers like to say.

4. Sleep with other people (if you want to)…

Don’t if you don’t. If people go on at you about how you should be joining Match.com or Reallymeaningfulrelationship.co.uk and you’re not into it, tell them to shut up. But if you’re game for some fun it’s worth remembering that the “I’m getting over my ex” line is a pretty full-proof way of ensuring that you can have no-strings sex without feeling immoral or worrying that the other person is about to propose. 

5. Leave town…

I’m not saying your breakup was caused by the place you live in but you should at least consider the possibility that your bus stop has it in for you and that there are various pubs and restaurants that will remind you of all the sweet, charming lies your ex told you before they broke your heart. These being the case, go somewhere sexy like Rio, or cool like New York, or remote like the Arctic Circle. Then you’ll do loads of new and different things, things that will replace all the memories of sex, eating ice cream and watching Borgen with your ex.

6. Block them

If they still want to chat all the time they shouldn’t have broken up with you (conveniently ignore this if you broke up with them / contributed to the break up with your consistently unreasonable behavior). Block them on all social media. That way you won’t spend hours wondering who all the new friends they’ve made on Facebook are. That way you won’t consistently monitor their tweets for mentions of “sex”, “new leases of life” and “my boring ex”.

7. Enjoy the weight loss…

Nothing tastes good when you’re choking on tears. The silver lining to this cloud is the shedding of all that weight you put on when you were curled up in your nest eating enormous pizzas with your ex.

8. Express yourself…

You’ve got all these emotions whirling round and you need an outlet for them. Unveil some solo musical material. Write some totally deep poetry (draw the line at “slam poetry” though). Dance like you’ve never been hurt. Go on an emo Twitter rampage.  

9. Say 'yes'…

Last minute holiday? Sure. Another bottle of Tequila? Hell yeah. A lecture on the polarising nature of late-era Capitalism? Hey, the pope’s a catholic… 

10. Become wistful

Imagine that you are in a film giving a “meaningful look”, one that says “we’ll be OK, we’ll always be OK”, or “life, oh life”, or “you know, I think I’ve finally moved on”. Sit by lakes and shake your head in an amused but profound way. 

11. Know that unbearable situations lead to new stabilities...

Real change is only ever achieved from a position of relative despair. Dealing with your ex will probably force you to deal with the rest of your life so you’ll inevitably come out of the whole situation with a better job, a better family and clearer skin.

12. Begin a new relationship…

Dance the same old dance and when it ends remember to come back here for a reminder of what to do.

by oscarrickettnow

 

 


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