When you're single you will be faced with two things. One: the eternal fear that you will NEVER FIND A BOYFRIEND AGAIN. Two: your friends who, whilst well meaning, regularly offer their advice non-stop whether you ask for it or not.
Particularly bad are those people in couples who have totally forgotten what it's like to be single and see their lonesome youth through rose-coloured glasses, all snogging gorgeous guys and going on fabulous dates, whilst in reality they were actually weeping into their pillows and paying for their own cinema tickets.
Here's the 6 things they'll probably say to you, but really shouldn't...
1. There Are Plenty More Fish In The Sea
No, there are not, because I think you'll find I have dated them all.
2. Have You Tried Tinder?
Have you noticed that I have arthritis in both of my thumbs?
3. Why Don’t You Take A Break From Dating?
Er, because I don’t want to end up on my own surrounded by cats?
4. I Loved Being Single
This is a bit like when people say that their child birth was totally painless and it’s like, hey, we have seen the videos in science class - there would not be all that screaming if it wasn’t painful. Basically, it’s a lie.
5. Why Don’t I Set You Up With Dan?
It might not be Dan, it might be Steve or Mike or Johnny or Sam but ultimately your friends will want to set you up with people, which is funny because if you had actually fancied Dan or Steve or Mike or Johnny or Sam, you probably would have tried to get off with them already.
6. Don't Worry, You'll Find Someone Soon
Unless you have a specific time and a date for me, don't say this.