Dear Katie Holmes, Here Are 10 Tips For Your 'Calamity Camera' Twit Pics

10 April 2014 by

Photo Advice For Katie Holmes Twitter Photos

[Katie Holmes Twitter]

Oh, how we rejoiced when we found out Katie Holmes had finally joined Twitter. How exciting, we thought. Imagine the Twit Pics, we thought. Then we saw them and thought again. For a second we wondered if little Suri had taken them. Oh Katie, you must have so many cool famous person things to show us, so where on earth are they?! To give you a helping hand in the future, we've compiled a set of commandments for you to try, for all of our sakes...

10 Commandments For Katie's Twit Pics


1. Thou shalt crop out the Fed Ex van

The tulips really should have been the focus in a picture captioned ‘tulip fever’. We’ve noticed cropping does seem to be a bit of a problem for you. You might find Instagram easier as you have to make your pics square.

2. Thou shalt not focus on the turkey

We kinda see what you were doing here, but it might have been nice to see the table settings or decorations, rather than just a ceramic turkey on a shelf at your mum’s house.

3. Thou shalt not pop up the first street art you see

There is a lot of amazing street art in NYC. It might have been worth waiting til you saw a good bit, rather than, err, this.


4. Thou shalt not state the obvious

We quite like this ‘windy Katie’, but we have noticed your captions are very literal. You don’t need a windy selfie for a windy day. Go on: shake it up a bit.

5. Thou shalt not bleach out the zebra

You are on safari. The zebra feels quite crucial to the picture but we had to do a right squint before we saw it. Might have been worth trying different angles to get that lighting a bit more balanced. Or maybe just take the zebra as a separate shot altogether.

6. Thou shalt give a sense of scale

For all we know, this could have been the world’s hugest ice cream, but there is just no way of knowing the size of something unless you give it context. This could have been the perfect excuse for a selfie. If not your head, then any object would have done the job.

7. Thou shalt experiment with facial expressions

Selfies have their place but not when they all look exactly the same, day after day. You should follow Cara Delevingne’s Instagram and get some ideas. Who knows, you might discover a different 'kooky' side to yourself. Maybe.

8. Thou shalt shoot above the ankle

We like where you were going with this but we really want to see more than a bit of an ankle.

9. Thou shalt avoid camera shake

Pop your elbows in to your ribs and you will find your hands are much steadier. This would have been a great picture if you had been vaguely in focus. This photo reeks of Suri Cruise/any 7 year old.

10. Thou shalt bin the filters

Where on earth were you when you took this? Was it taken from beneath a swamp? We can only surmise you popped on a sepia filter. Sometimes they are great. Not so much with food. 

Click through the gallery below to see more of Katie's calamitous Twit Pics >>

@KatieHolmes: The best buns are from ohio ........:) #happythanksgiving

@KatieHolmes: Snowy night in NYC

@KatieHolmes: My pasta dough resembled stockings. Sexy pasta? :)

@KatieHolmes: Love this. So true.

@KatieHolmes: From Melikhaya (pictured far right) "if it's to be, it's up to me" @lalelaproject

@KatieHolmes: Thank u Lalela project for having me....your talent and determination is an inspiration. @lalelaproject

@KatieHolmes: Great birthday celebration at Tao!!!!!!!

@KatieHolmes: Incredible night at the ballet @newyorkcityballet@JRart

@KatieHolmes: Running the show backstage. New York City Ballet with JR @JRart

@KatieHolmes: Wonderful to skate with friends @NYC

@KatieHolmes: Had the best time with Mario batali and zac Posen and friends today at eatily :) thank u Mario!!!!!!

@KatieHolmes: Teaming up with @Kohls to encourage women to start a conversation about breast cancer awareness #talkpink

@KatieHolmes: Happy New Year! May your 2014 be filled with love

@KatieHolmes: Tanning in NYC :)

@KatieHolmes: Love Eatily!!!!!! Had the best time cooking today!!!!!!!!! Thank u Zac and Mario!!!!!!!!!

@KatieHolmes: Love working on costumes with Marc Happel who help me realize some crazy ideas for the dancers! #makingofaballet

@KatieHolmes: Me at age 7. :)

@KatieHolmes: Had the best time at the Knicks game tonight!#nyknicks

@KatieHolmes: New York sunset :)

@KatieHolmes: WinterwonderlandNYC

@KatieHolmes: We had a wonderful time at the Nutcracker. Thank you to the beautiful and talented dancers for saying hello!

@KatieHolmes: Great day for frozen hot chocolate. Love NYC :)

@KatieHolmes: So grateful to have my mom's delicious dinner ?#happythanksgiving

@KatieHolmes: Another windy day! Happy Wednesday :) stay warm!!!!!!!

@KatieHolmes: Is this for real? Just a light dessert @themonarchroom

@KatieHolmes: Cool find in west village today. Have a great weekend everyone

@KatieHolmes: Happy Wednesday!!!!!! Wishing u all a wonderful day!!!!!!!

@KatieHolmes: Having great time working on dangerous liaisons" pilot :)

@KatieHolmes: Tulip fever :) spring in nyc

@KatieHolmes: On set! #thegivermovie

@KatieHolmes: “@nssilver: loving South Africa!!! @taylorswift13 @TheJeffBridges @OdeyaRush1 @CameronMonaghan @thegivermovie

@KatieHolmes: Loving South Africa. Me with a zebra

@KatieHolmes: Can't get over how beautiful it is here in South Africa.

@KatieHolmes: Love a good cupcake :) day off from filming The Giver #thegivermovie

@KatieHolmes: Beautiful day in Cape Town

@KatieHolmes: My sincere gratitude to Ahmed Kathrada for showing me Robben Island today. It was an honor for me. Thank you

@KatieHolmes: “@OdeyaRush1: Night off from filming... eating sushi and playing Jenga with @KatieHolmes212 #thegivermovie” loveOdeya


All posts must obey the house rules, if you object to any comments please let us know and we'll take the appropriate action.