Last week the dizzyingly relentless Lindsay-Lohan-Veers-Ever-Closer-To-Spectacular-Disaster story reached new heights. Or is that depths?
After pleading no contest to a charge of reckless driving and lying to police (hey, we’ve all done it, right?) the actress and wannabe pop-naïf has, at best, a month left as a free woman before 90 days in a rehab unit, 30 days of community service, 18 whole months of psychological counseling, an as yet undecided-upon fine and something called, “restitution”, which, to us, sounds like the sort of thing you do just before you hit destitution. Look out Li-Lo – even we can see the buffers hurtling towards you and we’re on the other side of the vast, storm-tossed Atlantic!
Of course, all this has been coming for a while; after a childhood spent making countless TV and print commercials Lindsay was considered a showbiz veteran by the age of 10. A string of big movie successes followed, but by the age of 18 she had released an album that asked, in a roundabout way, if everyone might just leave her alone for a bit. Naturally, “they” didn’t and it might well be at that point that Li-Lo’s emotional wheels began to feel a wee bit wobbly.
Car crash films – like 2006’s Just My Luck – followed actual physical car crashes and during the filming of Georgia Rule a studio executive’s letter accused her, “ongoing all night heavy partying” of endangering the film’s quality. Lohan’s first visit to AA came soon after, as did her first (second and third) stay(s) in a rehab centre.
In the summer of 2007 Lohan was booked for possession of cocaine. “It is clear to me,” she said at the time, “that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs.” And so it has continued, via some fairly random work choices and fallings-out with high-end Hollywood hotels to where we are now, with Lohan looking down the barrel of her last hurrah.
If ever a moment deserved a playlist it’s this, so here’s Rihanna mourning the girls who’ve lost their way, while N.E.R.D. celebrate the party girls, “standing in line for the bathroom”. Lucinda Williams’ angel has “followers who cling” to her. Finally, back in 1932 Noel Coward took the long view, “The thrill has gone,” he sang, “to linger on would spoil it anyhow, let’s creep away, the party’s over now…” Good luck, Lindsay.