16 January 2013

If Ryan Gosling HAD Been A Backstreet Boy - Our Top 5 Speculations

Ever experienced one of those life-changing moments, when your life could have gone one of two ways? Well Ryan Gosling has! Did you know Mr Gosling narrowly missed out on a spot in our favourite American 1990s boy band, The Backstreet Boys? OH YES. The insanely hot actor was moments away from singing the suggestive lyrics, ‘Am I sexual? YEAH!’ from the hit ‘Everybody’ to arenas filled with screaming girls fainting from over-excitement. Fan yourselves now ladies; this could have been a reality.

If Ryan Gosling HAD Been A Backstreet Boy - Our Top 5 Speculations

'When we were doing Mickey Mouse Club, we were living in the same place as that guy A.J. from the Backstreet Boys,' Ryan reveals in a new interview. 'So he was always talking about the Backstreet Boys… he was saying like how big they were going to be... And we were like, just shoot the ball dude. It’s never gonna happen, yeah right. Didn’t they already do that with the New Kids? You’re a little late. Cut too—I was wrong.' Oops. So does he ever see the BSBs? 'They don’t return my phone calls.'

So what if they did return his calls and Ryan had made it into The Backstreet Boys? Okay, so the career move would have robbed us of that photoshop scene in ‘Crazy, Stupid, Love’ but let's indulge our fantasies about a boyband Ryan, shall we? Here are our five speculations for what could have been...

1. Ryan would have worked blonde curtains a-la Nick Carter

Ryan could have sported THE number one men’s hairstyle of the 1990s and boy band style of choice, curtains. Whilst busting out those spectacular pieces of modern dance, his locks fetchingly dyed to a bleach blonde (obvs!), would have been gelled to the max to prevent any movement. You can’t have a stray curtain when chanting ‘Backstreet is back, alright,’ can you now, that would simply be uncouth!

2. Ryan would have attempted an ill-advised solo career

It may have worked for Robbie Williams but would it have worked for Ryan? After a few intense years in the spot light Ryan could have gone off the rails, decided he was too good for his band mates, flung a diva fit and quit. Out on his own, and still desiring female attention at his every turn Ryan could have attempted to hit the charts with a solo smasher. BUT like most, it would have bombed. Does anyone remember Brian McFadden’s solo attempts? Didn’t think so! Meanwhile his band mates would have soldiered on as a four piece whilst Ryan hit the couch and ate his feelings. Oh, what a crime against six packs that would have been!

3. Ryan would have dated a pop queen

Like his pal Justin Trousersnake, sorry I mean Timberlake, Ryan could have dated a pop teen queen. Being the 1990s the candidates would have included Britney, Christina, Mandy Moore or even Jessica Simpson. Now there is a thought! Obviously he would also have claimed he was a Christian (another JT reference) and professed to not having sex before marriage. Oh Ryan, we know you would never be that squeaky keen…we hope!

4. Everything in Ryan's wardrobe would have to match. Natch.

Naturally as well as co-ordinating his wardrobe with the teen queen pop star GF Ryan would have also made sure every baggy trouser and every vest complimented those his band mates worked. Just imagine, Ryan in matching head-to-denim with Jessica Simpson. We can’t even process it, it’s too much.

5. Ryan would have shown us some SERIOUS moves

Ryan has already given a taster of his moves, but take a moment to consider THE Gosling throwing down some serious shapes, perhaps in some baggy 1990s sportswear and occasionally in some open shirted period costume like in ‘Everybody’. Need we say any more? Street dance mixed with a few air grabs, that would have been a piece of modern dance alright.

For those who are left disappointed that these five things never happened, take a look at Ryan in a GENUINE boy band with JT. Oh, what could have been!

by Josh Newis-Smith @omy_josh

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