In case you hadn't noticed from the buckets of wilted red roses in supermarkets, white teddies holding red satin hearts (seriously, who buys those?) and M&S romantic meal deals, it's Valentine's Day today. Y'know, the day dedicated to true love and not at all an excuse for shops to shift all the pink Cava that no-one normally goes near. But hey, we're not bitter that we haven't recieved an over-priced, tacky, meaningless, cliched, vomit-inducing card. NOT AT ALL. WE'RE FINE, HONEST. But if you're not feeling the love today, here's five ideas for how to have yourself the perfect anti-Valentines day.
1. Avoid rom coms
This is not the day to be settling down on the sofa with a DVD of Love Actually, Sleepless in Seattle or The Notebook. You need a film to make you feel smug about not being coupled up. We suggest Fatal Atrraction, Closer, Blue Valentine and We Need To Talk About Kevin. You'll have never been so glad to be single...
2. But if you must...
OK, so you haven’t totally written off the idea of romance…but just need a less vomit-inducing version of it. Indie flick Ruby Sparks is about an unlucky in love writer who starts writing about his ideal woman - then sees her come to life. So far, so schmaltzy...but this is a twisted take on the rom com, about how you can't control love and will only be disappointed if you try. It will give you hope, without making you smash the DVD player up in while screaming 'WHY DOES IT NEVER HAPPEN TO ME?' Out now on DVD
3. Laugh at other couples
Harsh, perhaps – but if you can’t do it on Valentine’s Day when can you? Awkward Family Photos – home to cringe worthy photos of all kinds – has a whole section dedicated to awkward couples, including these guys… Being single is suddenly looking up…
4. Read Gone Girl
Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl is one of the best thrillers of recent years - soon to be turned into a film produced by Reese Witherspoon - but it’s also a fascinating study of the lies we tell each other in relationships, and how quickly that initial spark can turn into sniping, resentment...and much, much worse. Read it and be glad to be out of all that.'Gone Girl' by Gillian Flynn is published in paperback by Phoenix, an imprint of Orion Publishing, at £7.99
5. Go to an anti-Valentine's night
Want to go out tonight, but to avoid couples staring into each other’s eachs/making awkward small talk/sitting in silence wondering when they can escape? Head to an anti-Valentine’s night like ping pong club (no, not that kind) Bounce’s Guilty Pleasures special in London. Slow Dancing, holding hands and using pet names is strictly banned, and they’ll be booze, good tunes and special games - including ‘Smash Your Ex’. Bounce, EC1N 2TD. 14 Feb. See bouncelondon.com/anti-valentine.