He’s already the Daddy of Cool and enormously high waist-bands, but now, Simon Cowell is apparently set to become an actual father. According to Us Weekly, the media mogul, 53, is rumoured to be expecting a baby with New York socialite Lauren Silverman, who friends say is ten weeks pregnant. Oh Lord.
It’s huge news. And not just because Silverman, 36, is technically married to Cowell’s ‘close friend’, Andrew Silverman (the couple became close as the Silverman’s marriage deteriorated insiders say, and now she plans to leave Andrew permanently to be with her baby-Daddy), nor because Cowell has said with no uncertainty on many occasions that he’s not ‘cut out’ to be a dad. It’s huge because now there is a very real possibility that, soon, a child will have Simon Cowell as a dad. And we can’t help but wonder what that might be like. Here are a few ideas…
1. The Cowell genes jeans.
Forget blue or pink babygros – we fear this tot will be sporting a high waist and white tee (grey for special occasions) forevermore. Let’s just hope that Lego hair doesn’t carry on to the next generation.
2. School plays.
It’s embarrassing enough when your dad cheers slightly too loudly after your first ever live performance. Imagine Mini-Simon’s horror then, when his dad turns up with Amanda Holden and David Walliams clutching buzzers to honk when they’ve had enough. Horrifying.
3. Morning routine.
Rumour has it that Cowell has eaten the same breakfast of hot water with lemon, then papaya juice with lime, followed by oatmeal, tea and three different smoothies; spinach, an antioxidant and one using seven different fruits. Then he watches vintage Hanna-Barbera cartoons. Cartoons, yes. But what about the CocoPops?
We all know the Cowell loves a good exotic break. This, mini-Simon will not be so shoddy. Hell, we’ve seen those houses on The X-Factor – the hide and seek potential is infinite.
This could go one of two ways: either, mini-Simon will be a music-God/Goddess, being able to recite every band to have a number one since time began before they can say ‘I don’t want babies the same way I wouldn’t want a puppy. It’s too much responsibility.’ (classic Dad) – or everything him or her likes will be rubbish, leading to inferiority complex and a lack of self-worth that only subsides after a substantial life crisis.
6. Probably pretty good.
Let’s face it, this child is going to be the son or daughter (and heir) of a savvy, (quite) witty and (sorry) sexy multi-billionaire. They’ve probably already got a yacht. Once they convince him that high waists and low v’s aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, they’re laughing. Guys, it’s going to be OK.