Do not adjust your sets, Jay Z and actual Beyoncé are moving to London. We repeat, Jay Z and Beyoncé are moving to London. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After browsing properties in Mayfair and the Cotswolds, the pair have reportedly settled on a sprawling £5.5million townhouse in West London, and are said to have exchanged contracts around a month ago. This means that we could be bumping into them in the reduced aisle at Waitrose any day now (We should probably think about doing something with our hair).
Bey and Jay - as we like to call them now that we’re practically neighbours - are expected to be spending a lot of time in London when their joint stadium tour hits the UK this autumn. While they’re here, this is what we’d like to see them doing, if someone could please pass on the memo…
1. Beyoncé browsing Topshop
As an honorary Brit, Beyoncé has already perfected the art of ransacking the rails at Topshop like her life depends on it. At present, we imagine she sends a minion to the flagship store to do her bidding, but once she’s installed in the capital we see no reason why we shouldn’t be rubbing sharpened elbows with her during the sales. Let’s keep everything crossed.
2. Jay on the school run
Blue Ivy is only two, but if Beyoncé and Jay hang onto their London base for a couple of years, they may need to think about enrolling her in one of the prestigious primary schools nearby. Seeing as how Beyoncé is all about female empowerment, we look forward to seeing Jay on the school run. Hopefully carrying a Peppa Pig rucksack.
3. Beyoncé having tea with the queen
It’s probably hard to find mates when you’re Queen Bey, especially if you don’t want them getting jealous while you’re recounting the details of your perfect life. Step forward The Queen, who could host her at the Palace for some serious ‘I’ve got more wealth and power than any other living person lolz’.
4. Jay Z enjoying a cream tea
No reason for this one, we’d just really like to see it.
5. Beyoncé and Jay on the tube
Nobody likes getting the tube. It’s cramped, it’s stuffy and it makes you more aware than you’d like to be that there is a whole sub-section of society who don’t brush their teeth. Do you know what would make it better? Sitting next to Beyoncé. After all, stranger things have happened. Remember when Jay caught the tube to his own concert?
By Joe Stone