Fed up of reading about 50 Shades of Grey? Good! Because this week we were sent a new report conducted by eReading company Kobo outlining the COLOSSAL effect EL James’ soft-core novel is having on our love lives. Before I start, however, a disclaimer: I’ve never read the book. What’s more, I’ve no intention of doing so. So I’m probably the wrong person to compare and contrast the following statistics. Never mind.
78% of us would give up sex and money before food
That’s me all over. Then again you’re talking about someone who once spent £8 on a loaf of rye bread. It was really dense and lasted, like, a week. But still.
42% of us have done it in a park
Well that’s simply not true. Have you been to Weaver’s Fields recently? It’s really weedy. Also everyone owns a dog and dogs stare. Plus grass isn’t remotely sexy. In a word, logistical-nightmare.
73% of us enjoy dirty talk
Someone once tried to talk dirty to me. Naturally, I laughed in his face. I‘m fairly confident that so great was the knock to his confidence, he was subsequently celibate for the next 18 months.
18% of you think ‘a surprise trip to Colorado’ is the ultimate romantic gesture
Really? I mean I like the idea of seeing the Rocky Mountains and Aspen looks fun if you like ice and snow and stuff, but I don’t. I hate to sound ungrateful but if I was offered a trip to Colorado by way of romantic gesture well, see above.
24% of us wear flannel in the bedroom
As in a towel? Well sure, I wear my towel from the bathroom to the bedroom. So yeah, in theory, I do wear flannel <in> the bedroom in that interim period, post-drying pre-pyjamas. So does that make me hypersexualised? Cool.
So what sort of effect has 50 Shades of Grey had on my life? Ze-Ro.