24 December 2010

Ho, ho, whoa! Are you a CHRISTMAS CLICHE?


Blame Nigella, blame the mulled-wine cocktails, but there’s something about the festive season that brings out the cliché in all of us. But have you gone too far this year? Get ticking!

You’ve got Christmas twaranoia thanks to seeing who’s been invited to what party on their twitter feed. Festive party panic alert!

You’ve been on the waiting-list for the Heston Blumenthal Christmas pudding since November and can’t understand the fuss over them going for £250 on ebay. Heston’s SO worth it!

Everyone else is wondering what to do for New year: you’ve had a country retreat for 12 booked since April. Smug much?

Forget ‘comedy’ Christmas jumpers: you’ve gone the whole hog and invested in the D&G designer version. So on-trend, so seasonal!

To save money this year, you’re making people personalised infused bottles of olive oil. So far, you’ve spent £220 on bottles from Labour and Wait, ribbon from VV Rouleaux and Tuscan olive oil. Oops.

You queued three hours just so you could get every single Lanvin for H&M dress for your Christmas parties...

...only to find that so did everyone else.

You’ve downloaded that Ellie Goulding song off the John Lewis ad after crying for the 19th time.

You’ve bought a Phillip Lim cotton onesie and Brora cashmere socks solely for looking artfully louche on Christmas morning. Well, you don’t want to be tagged on Facebook in comedy PJs, do you?

Anyone who walks through your front door gets knocked out by the smell of Diptyque fig candles.

You don’t know how you’ll react if you don’t get at least three of the following under the tree: Chloé sheepskin boots, a Christopher Kane leather print dress, the Downton Abbey boxset and a Marc Jacobs iPad case. OK, you do – and it won’t be pretty.

The biggest dilemma you’ve had all year was choosing between watching the X Factor final (a modern Christmas tradition, naturally) and your annual GNO (girl’s night out)

There’s more of your wardrobe under your desk at work than in your actual wardrobe.

If it can’t be mulled, you’re not interested in drinking it. Next!

You’ve had to abandon your plans to go tights-free at the Christmas party: your knees are covered in bruises from the outdoor ice rink.

For one month only All I Want For Christmas by Mariah Carey is your ringtone.

You're losing the inner fashion battle not to be seduced by anything sparkly/glittery/gold. Must. Try. Harder.

There might be at least two inches of snow outside but you’re still hobbling to work in your YSL Tributes. Well, you never know when there might be last-minute seasonal drinks…

- Laura Atkinson


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