Last night's Apprentice: Five become Two

04 June 2009

Week 11, the semi-final, interview time... In the past, it's given us such golden moments such as Lee's pterodactyl impression and, well, no you can't beat Lee's pterodactyl impression (and believe us, we've tried). Though last night didn't disappoint. Faced with such terrifying interrogators as Birmingham City MD Karren Brady (LOVED her interrogating Kate about WTF she was doing with Phil) and Scary Lawyer Man (LOVED the bit where he said James's references were "spectacular... spectacularly bad..."), absolutely everyone came unstuck. Debra was described by former colleagues as "loud, obnoxious, aggressive and rude" (James: "The interviewer's probably more scared than she is"), Lorraine optimistically said her CV was a "graveyard of skeletons", while James sweated like a professional eBay-er at a sample sale as it became clear he was in wayyyy over his head – and that boasting on his CV that he could bring "ignorance to the table" was his daftest move to date. Yasmina and Lorraine both got caught out for fibbing – Lorraine exaggerated how long she'd been at her last job, and Yasmina's company wasn't quite as successful as she claimed (we're hoping that bit where Scary Lawyer Man confronts her with her accounts and she nearly falls off those hideous black shoes with the white straps she's been wearing for the last 10 weeks is on YouTube by lunchtime).

Back in the boardroom, everyone was obsessed with the possibility that "too perfect" Kate could be a robot. Nick even went as far as to wonder if "maybe she hasn't got a personality at all...?" (Nick: when you're dating Pantsman, that's enough personality for any one couple to handle). Karren Brady was understandably confused by Lorraine's "special gift". No, not for making sales of black-rimmed glasses plummet, but for "intuition" and "mind-reading", apparently [insert your own joke about her inability to "see" what Suralan really thought of her here]. As heads rolled, James was first for the chop (and we're man enough to admit we got a bit choked up), then Lorraine (aww! Liked her in the end. And, hello, did you see her looking lovely on BBC2 afterwards?). Teflon Kate went straight through (booorrinnngggg). But when it came to the showdown between Yasmina and Evil Debra, suddenly we found ourselves rooting for Debra! Maybe because she cried when James went, or because she had a bit of a last-minute make-over and we really wanted to know where her new lip gloss came from.

Most ill-advised CV statement in the history of CV statements: (James, on what he does) "I put a leash on people who spunk money up the wall."

Interview question of the night we'd most like to have asked, but wouldn't 'cos it's just too bitchy: (Karren Brady to Kate) "If someone described you as boring, would that be accurate?"

Moment that made us realise how much we'll miss James and his stupid sound bites: (on trying to save himself in the boardroom) "You're not reinventing the wheel with me. You just need to fix a few spokes."


-- Suzy Cox


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