Last night’s The Apprentice: How NOT to get ahead in advertising

23 April 2009

the apprentice

 Oh dear. Not that things are getting predictable in Apprenticeland, but all bets were off last night in the who's-gonna-get-fired game the second Kimberly smugly sat in that taxi going, 'This is the task I've been waiting for!' Has she never seen an episode before? Because we have seen (what feels like) a trillion and just once it would be nice if the person who said such things didn't automatically get the boot. Zzzzzzzz...
Anyway, the task was supposedly simple: Suralan had 'created' (my arse) a new breakfast cereal and the teams simply had to market it to kids – they needed to design the cereal box, make a TV advert then present it to a room full of ad execs (though, to be fair, said cereal looked like something my best friend feeds her hamster, so that put them at a disadvantage from the off. That and the fact a room full of broken crayons has more creativity). You can see why, in theory, team leader American ad exec and 'marketing guru' Kimberly thought she had it licked. Unfortunately her teammate Philip came up with the idea of selling the cereal with a character called 'Pants Man' because (and don't worry if you get lost here. Everyone did), 'You get up in the morning and you're confused and you get dressed and you put your pants on over your clothes. So there's nothing to do but dance in your pants. When you wake up and your belly's rumbling, you've got to dance in your pants until you get your belly filled.' Indeed. It's a feeling we remember well from childhood.
Things went from bad to worse when Phil decided he would sing the advert's jingle ('I feel like Ringo Starr') but despite all that you still knew he'd be saved because, well, he's seeing Kate and now, in a move which surely shows The Apprentice is getting all Big Brother, we have to keep him in for the romantic storyline and all. Even if he's a total tool. Memo to nice BBC One people: we expect more next week. For now here's our run-down...
Least amount of mental stretching award: Ben: 'I'm trying to get into a child's mind.'
Worst grasp of what won't scare the bejesus out of the target market: Philip: 'Has the "cereal killer" thing been done?' Erm, no, because we doubt any mother wants her kids munching Krueger Pops.
Muppet of the night: James: 'I feel like a monkey learning how to use tools.' As all monkeys do. In the jungle. Which is well known for its abundance of tools.
Moment that saved the episode. Just: Child actor, employed by Kate, then asked to eat some of the cereal, 'Actually, I can't – I've got a nut allergy.'
- Suzy Cox


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