02 April 2009

The Apprentice: Would you let these people feed you?

What. A. Bunch. Of. Muppets. That seems to be the resounding response to last night's episode of The Apprentice. So what were they up to? With a restauranteur in charge of the girls' team and a sandwich chain owner leading the boys, the catering task should have been easy. But it really, really wasn't.

First, the boys picked the world's worst theme – the Olympics (only three years to go, chaps!) – in order to serve ‘world cuisine', including chicken tikka vol-au-vents and ‘a modern take on the Ploughman's lunch' (ham, cheese and pickle on a stick to you and me) to a group of incredulous lawyers. Poor Nick's expression became more despairing by the minute, his pursed lips seeming at risk of fusing together as the team served canapés wearing Ancient Greece-themed togas – the flabby flesh and spotty backs on display adding insult to injury. And the least said about their brothel-esque gold lame décor, the better.

The girls were marginally less shambolic – indeed, scary team leader Yasmina ran their kitchen like a military operation – but their cut-price canapés of greying tuna and beige chicken chunks were hardly appetising. Worst of all were the huge chunks of toasted bread which the girls tried to pass off as bruschetta, while their customers dropped bits of tomato all over the floor. Kate's confusion as to what, exactly, a blini could be (in the end they decided it was some kind of wrap), and Yasmina's decision that no one would really notice the food after a few glasses of wine, did suggest that the candidates haven't been to quite as many business lunches and exclusive launches as you might expect from ‘top' business people.

If this is the best British business has to offer, what hope do the G20 leaders have of getting us out of the recession? Must do better next week.


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