No, we're not backstage. (Though someone from Team Grazia is there and will be dishing the dirt come Monday morning). We're in our living room - scattered with the remnants of JLS cocktails and X Factor Bingo cards - and glued to the X Factor Final. What will Cheryl's big dress reveal be? How will Alexandra look in her Suzanne Neville dress? (Gorge, of course). And who on earth will WIN??? Follow our thoughts live and add your own below. You know this is going to be fun...
After some minor technical mishaps, we're here!
Firstly - CHERYL AND DANNII HELD HANDS! Amazing. Now, let's concentrate on the music.
7.43: JLS, Eoghan, yeah yeah, whatever. It's ALEX! For those playing X Factor Bingo, Simon just said outstanding and Cheryl's told Alex she loved her. That's a double whammy right there. Hmmm. Not sure about the hair though, Alex.
7.45: Ooh. Kym Marsh? Really?
7:51: Does Eoghan even know who Boyzone are?
7:52: Slightly premature criticism there, he's not doing a bad job really is he? Ahh, he looks like he's wearing his teacher's suit.
7:53: Did Ronan not get the memo about dress code?
7.55: Westlife and JLS. Kind of amazing. It might be the mulled wine, but we've got a tear in our eyes.
8.05: ACTUAL BEYONCÉ!
8.07: Literally amazing. Simon and Cheryl hugging, Alex crying, us crying, Beyoncé fighting Chezza for best blow dry of the night. The mulled wine's got us again.
8.10: There's fighting in Grazia X Factor HQ, is it fair that JLS and the Quigglet get Westlife and Boyzone when Alex gets Beyonce? What do you think? (there are also some people singing in the background, but they're not very entertaining)
8.20: Eoghan has taken the teachers' outfit off, and gone all pupil-esque for a little bit of High School Musical. Mildly concerned Diana may be his only fan after that performance. Eek?
8.25: JLS in wrong song choice shocker!
8.30: ALEX! ALEX! ALEX!
8.30.5: (sort of still not sure about the hair, but nice dress)
8.35: Simon: 'A star has been born'. Cheryl: not entirely sure what she was saying because we were too busy screaming 'I love you' at her
9.40: IT'S BACK! (did anyone watch the girls aloud documentary? was it amazing?)
9.46: SIX MINUTES TIL THEY FREEZE THE LINES!
9.49: BEYONCÉ! Nice use of wind machine. (UPDATE: we don't really like this song.) (Nice wet look legs though)
9.59: Oh. My. God. Can't take the waiting.
10.00 JLS safe.
10.00.5 EGGNOG IS OUT. REPEAT. EGGNOG IS OUT.
10.01 Eggnog montage is also reducing us to a tear.
10.02: WHERE IS DIANA?
10.05: JLS have surprised us with an amazing version of this song. We know. We didn't think we'd say that either. (nb we are crying again) (omg. a gospel choir. cue more tears)
10.09: THIS IS AMAZING!
10.10: JLS! JLS! JLS!
10.11: ALEX! ALEX! ALEX!
10.11.5 (we love the dress but might have enjoyed a costume change. This is a monumental moment after all, people)
10.14. THIS IS ALSO AMAZING! Maybe more amazing? Or not? Up to you decide obviously. But we think a bit more amazing possibly.
10.15: CHERYL! Has there ever been a person we love more on the telly? SHE CRIED! WE CRIED! ALEX CRIED! This is exhausting.
10.25: THIS IS IT!
10.35: Sorry, we were a bit over excited. This, apparently, is it!
10.40: 8 MILLION VOTES! (that's 2 million more than the last general election. just in case you were wondering)
10.41: Poor JLS.
10.42: Seriously. ALEX! ALEXXXXXXX WON!
10.44: (we are crying again)
10.45: (Cheryl and Simon hugging did not help the above)
10.48: It's over. What do we do now?