Kate Middleton or Kate Moss? It's The Rise of the Bride-a-Like

08 December 2011

So, as the wedding dress plans continued afoot last week (Henry Holland, my dress designer, busy being creative and coming up with ideas; me, busy getting drunk on his red wine) a few things started to become apparent. A) I could never be a fashion designer (can't draw, don't know what a 'toile' is) B) I drink too much red wine and C) I do NOT want to be a bride-a-like.
 
For example: thinking of a bit of lace? Too Middleton. Bias cut? Too Moss. Huge pink meringue? Too Gypsy Wedding. Yes, welcome to the scourge of the modern bride: looking like you’ve copied a celebrity wedding dress…
 
Of course, some people (who make wedding dresses) seem to think that being a bride-a-like is actually half the point. You can now buy any number of Royal Wedding-style dresses – but is anyone actually wearing them for, like, real? No; in the actual world, brides are going 'Hmmm, lace arms, I fancy that' before realising that everyone will spend the entire day going ‘Ooh! You’ve copied Kate Middleton!'. Yes - celebrity brides have basically RUINED it for the rest of us. Here are the ones to avoid…

kate middleton alexander mcqueen bridal wedding dress

Replikates

The biggie; the one that every little girl will dream of for the next twenty years only to find that by the time she's 31 and actually getting married, she looks ridiculous in it. Direct rip-offs of the original, beautiful Alexander McQueen dress were up and running with four hours of the Royal Wedding; now, you can get them for £12.99 down the market (probably).

robert pattinson kristen stewart wedding scene breaking dawn twilight

Swannabes

Bride-a-likes don't just contain themselves to actual REAL people; no. For the non-Twilight fans out there, main character Bella Swan (Swannabes! Geddit?) gets married in the latest film 'Breaking Dawn' and her dress is causing a right kerfuffle amongst the Twihards. Wedding dress designer Alfred Angelo has made a $799 replica version of the Carolina Herrera one Bella wears in the film – and, hilariously, 'Twilight' fans are pretending they’re getting engaged just so they can try on the dress at the shop. Alfred Angelo employees are, apparently, getting pretty annoyed by it – but it’s kind of their own fault, if you ask me…


Kate Moss wears a John Galliano wedding dress to marry jamie hince 

Moss-offs

Fancy being a Boho bride, all flowers in your hair and rock and roll aesthetic? Yeah, well, Kate Moss has gone and done it already. With about 37 bridesmaids. Beat that.


Pippa Middleton wearing an Alexander McQueen dress as Kate's bridesmaid at the Royal Wedding.jpg 

Pipp-a-likes

Yes, Pippa Middleton has gone and upped the bridesmaid game by looking - dammit! - sexy. HOW RUDDY DARE SHE. Bridesmaids everywhere are now demanding NOT to wear pink taffeta and be dressed like seven-year-olds on acid. In fact, she's SO sexy that her dress is being turned into an actual wedding dress; you can now buy the original McQueen number on Net A Porter (if there's any left). Also, it means that you now can’t wear a tight-fitting wedding dress without people thinking that you want them to look at your bottom. (I mean, you DO want them to look at your bottom, but you don’t want people to think you do, do you?)


Kim Kardashian wears a Vera Wang dress to marry Kris Humphries.jpg 

Copy-Kims

That diamante sweatband you were planning on rocking on your big day, Kim Kardashian? Oh, OK. Maybe not…
 
 
So, just to confirm. If anyone - anyone! - says to me anything along the lines of 'Ooh! Very Kate Middleton!' on The Big Day, I may well kick them. Hard. Just a warning…
 
 
by Laura Atkinson


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