31 July 2013

You Know You’re A Middle Class Baby When…

The scene of Prince William putting Baby George into a Britax car seat and driving his wife and new son home in a shiny Land Rover is one played out among the middle classes across the land. Here, writer and father of two, Michael Hogan, looks at the other signs of a very middle class baby hood…

You Know You’re A Middle Class Baby When…

1. Your name could be a character from Downton Abbey

2. Your teeming toybox contains Sophie Le Giraffe, a Lamaze firefly and a Melissa & Doug rainbow stacker. It’s over there, next to your vintage rocking horse

3. Said toybox also contains wooden toys painted the latest shade of Farrow & Ball and none of those brash primary coloured plastic ones. Although they look like so much more fun.

4. You live on Ella’s Kitchen puree pouches, Organix ricecakes, Innocent smoothies and halved grapes (choke hazard alert!)

5. You’ve started learning sign language and a foreign language, even though you can’t actually talk yet

6. Mummy pretends you’ve got a temperature so she can swerve dinner parties she doesn’t fancy. Bad mummy! Naughty step!

7. Your totes stressy schedule of classes includes Gymboree, Splash Babies, Mini Rockers, Stagecoach and Baby Yoga. Exhaustion!

8. The main labels in your wardrobe are Bonpoint, Marie Chantal and edgy Scandinavian onesie brands, to be mixed and matched with Boden, Baby Gap and Petit Bateau basics

9. Your name is already down for three nurseries, just to see which one suits the precocious talents you’re bound to possess

10. Your organic nappies, sensitive wipes and camomile creams are stowed in an Anya Hindmarch changing bag

11. You’ll attend a festival before your first birthday. But if your name is George Cambridge it will most likely be held in the grounds of the estate of one of Daddy’s very good friends. Yah?


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Hare Khrishna (Wed Jul 31 22:45:47 BST 2013): Lovely&Sweet family