The 'After-Sex Selfie' Is Here And We Can’t Deal With It

04 April 2014 by

Covers strewn casually on the bed, half naked strangers with clammy, post-orgasm flushed cheeks and – brace yourself – fingers. Fingers. If you haven’t come across it yet, prepare to: the ‘aftersex selfie’ has (regretfully) arrived and, alarmingly, looks set to stay. Here’s five reasons it should stop immediately:

1. It’s annoying

We thought peak-irritability had been reached with fully-clothes selfies. We were wrong. Now, we’re plagued by one terrifying thought: what the hell is next?

2.  It’s gross

Did we mention the fingers? Also, it’s pretty voyeuristic. If we wanted to put pictures of ourselves, sexed-up, forever in the hands of the internet, we’ve have gone to PornHub.com.

3.  It’s sad

Post-coital cigarettes and sweet, sweaty cuddles are now known as “X-Pro II” and “Kelvin” and marvelling at how many people endorse your afternoon delight.

4. It’s awkward

Are we supposed to ‘like’ our mates’ latest snap of her curled up, half-naked on particularly smug-looking hairy chest? And why exactly would we want a stranger to approve on our own sex-lives? Do we need to tell everyone that we’ve just banged, right now? (Ever?)

5. It’s forever

And, though you may not be new to Instagram, you are probably familiar with being a human being. Hopefully, you’re also aware that even people you don’t want to see you in bed are aware of the internet now. Good luck explaining that snap of you with a bit of a sweat on and half a boob out to your mum/boss/husband in five years’ time.

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