The selfies of 2014 [Instagram]
1. Never EVER aim upwards. Good Selfies are intrinsically linked to gravitational pull – therefore Bad Selfies (looking down into the camera) are against the laws of physics and Facebook.
2. Each person has a finite number of Selfies – think of them as glasses of wine. One too many and you could end up regretting it.
3. The following phrases are banned from all Selfie captions especially when prefixed by a hashtag: #hittingthegym, #nofilter, #livingthedream, #RIPGrandma (really, this is a thing), #workhardplayhard, #nomakeup, #longhairdontcare
4. Honesty: that means you, abs guy pretending to be making Supernoodles whilst simultaneously tensing in the mirror. And you duck face/accidental cleavage lady. If you want to show off, just show off. If you’re lucky, we might think you’re being ironic. If not, at least we won’t think you’re deluded.
5. You only have one shot to take a Selfie. If you don’t get it, move on. You know that guy, arm-outstretched to 45 degrees, loitering by a graffiti-wall/tourist-spot/sunset for five minutes? Don’t be that guy. Nobody likes that guy.