Singletons beware: Facebook is on your case. This week, they unveiled their latest ploy to get their hands on our relationship (or rather, lack-of) gen – from now on, if you’re single on Facey, or simply haven’t filled in your relationship status willingly for whatever reason, they will put it on display for you. And plonk it on your profile. And tell others to ask you why you didn’t want to tell them about it. Publically. Good.
The new Facebook ‘Ask’ button, should your mates – or ‘mates’, or long-lost relatives or exes – decide to press it, will send an irritating little message to you. “Hello!” an infinite number of awkwardly intimate conversations are due to start, “I am wondering about your relationship!” Your response can range from simply answering, updating your profile, or ignoring the request altogether.
All the same, the potential danger this button might bring is endless: friends can then openly debate about the state of your love-life in full view of the other 789 people you barely speak to. Baby-obsessed relatives can remind you that you’re ‘not getting any younger’. Or pervy boys can gauge when might be appropriate to request a picture of your tits.
If you’re coupled-up and have disclosed your relationship to Facebook already, then you can breathe a sigh of relief. Zuckerberg doesn’t want your data, or tears, right now. Everyone else, buckle up – and let the single-shaming begin…