BRIDE BOGGLES: Working Out Wedding Guest Etiquette (When You're The Worst Behaved Guest At Other People's Weddings)

04 June 2014

Welcome to Bride Boggles, our weekly wedding blog from heat's editor-in-chief Lucie Cave. Lucie got engaged to Ben Lunt (you may remember him as the T4 heart throb of 2007) and is here to take you through her wedding prep process. She's already dished on how she chose her sparkler and getting a Bridal Body without ditching the wine - and now it's time to tackle the tricky issue of wedding guest etiquette...

BRIDE BOGGLES: Lucie Cave's Bridal Blog On Wedding Guest Etiquette

When it comes to sorting out your guestlist, there are certain friend folk whose 'party behaviour' you worry about more than others. Certain people who are always guaranteed to make a menace of themselves before midnight because they've had a bit too much of the old moonshine.

Unfortunately for my fiancé Ben and I, we are those people. The type of people you really don't want to invite to your wedding. The ones you worry about being way too drunk way too early. And now it's come to us compiling the guestlist for our wedding, we've realised we're the two main people we don't want to invite.

Over the last three months we've been lucky enough to be invited to three of our good friends nuptials. Each wedding was a completely different affair.

Eric and Georgina - This was a super posh affair in a grand chapel followed by a marquee in the grounds of the families country estate.

BRIDE BOGGLES: Lucie Cave's Bridal Blog On Wedding Guest Etiquette

Cat and Dan - This was a very intimate, personal and cute humanist wedding in a barn in the Leicestershire countryside.

BRIDE BOGGLES: Lucie Cave's Bridal Blog On Wedding Guest Etiquette

Bespoke humanist ceremonies zenabirch.com [James Mottram]

Sam and Anneli - This was a unique, charming wedding abroad in Split, Croatia with the ceremony on a picturesque jetty out to sea.

BRIDE BOGGLES: Lucie Cave's Bridal Blog On Wedding Guest Etiquette

As beautiful and as different as each wedding was, I hate to confess that the calibre of our drunken behaviour was the same. To give you an idea, here are a few highlights/lowpoints (bear in mind these are largely second-hand recollections from other people as we can't remember a thing ourselves).

1. Skidding in on your knees during the bride and groom's romantic first dance (Ben)

2. Crawling in between the bride's dads legs on the dancefloor (me) 

3. Forcing couples who have recently split up to get together for numerous selfies (Ben)

4. Ruining other people's photos by doing the V sign (me)

5. Being sick in the seven year old bridesmaids shoe (Ben)

6. Punching the wedding cake (Ben)

7. Drawing boobs and willies all over the guest book...(Ben)

8. ...And then hurriedly trying to disguise them as rockets and eyeballs (me)

9. General nakedness and debauchery (me and Ben)

I think you get the picture.

Perhaps it's no surprise that most celebs have rules when it comes to their wedding guest etiquette - Kim and Kanye forced guests to sign a contract banning them from taking pictures at their Florence affair, while the woman of 180 hen dos and weddings - Poppy Delevingne - reportedly imposed an Instagram ban at her recent wedding. Of course, in their case it was more to do with securing exclusive rights for a magazine rather than being worried about their mates being too pissed to be photographed.

Ben and I are trying to convince ourselves that our behaviour at weddings sounds far worse than it is. We always make a point of starting the day being extra polite and attentive (Ben was an usher at one of the above weddings and did a sterling job ... Only 'letting free' once his duties had ceased). And luckily we've only had positive comments back from the brides and grooms and their friends and family assuring our remorseful selves that we were always 'on fine form'.

BRIDE BOGGLES: Lucie Cave's Bridal Blog On Wedding Guest Etiquette

So, armed now with our experience of wedding parties and the knowledge that maybe it's not such a bad thing to have crazies at your 'do as long as their intentions are good - we've started compiling the guest list to our wedding. And we've taken our lead from Studio 54's legendary owner Steve Rubell, who once said, "A key to a good party is filling the room with people more interesting than you."

And with this in mind, we've made sure there are going to be plenty of fun people guaranteed to ensure we're not the only ones cringing the next morning at our behaviour. In fact, because we wanted to invite every good friend we knew - the guestlist numbers have spiralled a bit out of control. And after lengthy discussion (read: arguments) - we've decided we might have to swap 'civilised sit down meal' for 'effing great party'. So now we have the 'who' - it's time to work out the where and how...

PS. If by any chance you get an invite to our wedding and you're reading this blog: please don't get too drunk or you'll be thrown out.

Next week: the invites and how the heck to pick the venue


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