Getting on the property ladder, obsessing about work… when did women in their twenties switch from endless parties to an obsession with mortgage rates? Here, writer Delphine Chui admits she’s part of Generation Fast Forward.
When Girls first aired on TV, it was a key moment for me. Not because I was relating to all the casual sex and mate dramas… but because it made me wonder if my twenties were actually meant to be this hot mess of partying and financial insecurity. Lena and co. always look like they’re having a lot more fun than me. While they were busy raving, throwing up at work dos and going on a string of dysfunctional dates, I was more likely to be looking at house prices or planning my next sedate dinner party. Hard to believe I’m only 25.
Yet I’m one of a growing number of young women who should be carefree but instead have the mindset of someone in their thirties - a growing tribe of women living in fast-forward, replacing their responsibility-free years with worry about things that traditionally 20somethings haven’t needed to think about for at least 10 years. And it's making us the most anxious generation ever.
Take Maddy, 26, who is so focused on her career she'd rather work till midnight than go out with mates and down Jagerbombs.“I often have to cancel on Friday nights with my friends because I spend long evenings in the office. I don’t mind because a night of partying - and the hell of the morning-after - isn’t going to pave anything for my future. Plus, I’m single so if I want to buy anywhere in the next few years, it’s all on me. I can’t rely on anyone else to get me where I want to be.”
Bianca, 22, is equally old before her time. ‘When my parents suggested helping me with a deposit, I jumped at the opportunity. While most graduates are worrying about paying their council tax, I’m concerned about equity, interest rates and further investments. The option to do something impulsive like quit my job and go travelling is practically impossible but ultimately; I think it’s the best thing for my future.'
This fixation with foresight is exactly my problem too… I’ve always been super-organised with stringent career goals and five-year plans, plotting in when I wanted to get married and have kids. My 15-year-old self was convinced I’d be engaged by 27, married by 28 and starting a family at 29. Having recently come out of a five-year relationship, I can now add that ticking time bomb to my many overflowing list of worries and anxieties, especially as all my friends are in serious relationships. I’ve been working summers and weekends since I was 16 and instead of having a wild gap year after I graduated, I threw myself into internships and job applications.
At 25, I'm now worried about the exact route my career is going and how I’m ever going to afford to buy a place. It’s like I’ve skipped a whole worry-free decade, but I’m not alone.
Catherine, 25, has been with her boyfriend since she was 16 and is already thinking about having kids. ‘I want to have children young so that by the time they’re in secondary school, I will still be able to pursue my career.’ My single friend Kat, 26, explains that none of her friends live in shared houses anymore, either living with partners, siblings or buying places on their own, with aid from government schemes like shared ownership or help-to-buy. I have friends that are hard core brunchers instead of ravers, that will happily forgo a wild night out to be able to afford a cleaner. And why are we doing this? Because we’re all exhausted. We’re overworked and over-worrying and the last thing we want to do is sacrifice another good night’s sleep.
Even Lena Dunham admitted to having never been clubbing in real life and her 20-something co-stars are currently getting engaged and buying houses with their boyfriends. Pretty far from their characters, huh?
But these grown-up pursuits are not making us happy, by constantly looking at the bigger picture we've never got enough.
'There’s a widening gap between salaries and house prices that adds pressure to get promoted and forget about social lives’, says psychologist David Lurie. ‘Competition to get jobs and keep them has made it harder for twenty-somethings to find a sustainable balance between financial security and freedom to follow dreams' This is causing widespread achievement anxiety in our generation because we’re all preoccupied with hitting milestones that we normally wouldn’t until much later. The only FOMO I suffer from is missing out on those supposed success signposts like when I hear another friend has got engaged, promoted or stepped onto the property ladder.
‘The need to do better is exacerbated by well-publicised examples of the young who succeed, like Management Today’s ‘35 women under 35.’ ‘It brings out natural competitiveness,’ says generation X, Y, Z expert, Dr. Charles Woodruffe. Clinical Director of Harley Therapy, Dr. Sheri Jacobson agrees that this exposure is to blame. ‘In every generation there is something many of us strive to live up to; in the 1950s, it was to be the perfect housewife, in the 1970s, to be sexually liberated. Now, many 20-somethings aren’t just feeling they have to live up to what their peers are doing, they’re comparing themselves to the entire world… and specifically, feeling they have to grow up faster in order to succeed.’
On my good days I feel secure that I’m at least getting to the place where I think I’ll be happy, but it does make me feel sad that I’ve skipped a time in my life where I should have enjoyed having no responsibilities, spent weekends hammered with friends and blown all my money on TopShop visits and then survived on beans for the rest of the month. Because if you can’t do it in your 20s then when you?
I do sometimes look at the friends I have who are all about Iiving in the moment, juggling casual work to stay afloat of their monthly overdraft expenditures and put hedonism above all else and think, 'what I doing'. They’re not worrying about money or career prospects; they’re just making do, making mistakes and generally not giving much of a sh*t. My friend, Alex, 25, impulsively moved to Barcelona last year to learn Spanish and teach English - code for enjoying daily siestas before all-nighter. I am envious of her spontaneous spirit and every time I visit, it makes me wonder if the financial/job security really is more valuable than life experience. She doesn’t say it, but I’m sure she looks at my life with complete bewilderment.
So can I step off the treadmill and living my life on fast forward? I’m going to try…as soon as I’ve finished researching the best ISA to get.
You know you’re old before your time when…
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