How To Master The French Braid
Today is a big day in the world of self help books - because The New Rules is out. When it was first published in 1995, dating book The Rules caused a sensation. Mainly because, in it, Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider basically told women to forget everything the previous thirty years of feminism had taught them.
Really fancy that guy who smiles at you at the bus stop every day? Don’t speak to him – unless you want to be alone for the rest of your life. Want to call that man you had an amazing date with last night? STOP YOU DESPERADO. As for sleeping with a guy on the first date….well, there’s simply no hope for you.
Whatever you think of their nonsense methods, there’s no denying The Rules had a huge influence – selling over 2 million copies in 27 languages, spawning a host of sequels and featuring in an episode of Sex And The City.
But in the world of Facebook, Twitter and Skype, advice like “always end phone calls first”, seems positively archaic. So now Ellen and Sherrie have released The New Rules: The Dating Dos and Don’ts For The Digital Generation. Here’s our pick of their ridiculous advice…
Or in fact any way. Ever. They might say yes. But don’t kind yourselves. “They’re only doing it to be polite, for sex, or out of boredom,” say Ellen and Sherrie. “Eventually he will drop you for the girl he really likes”. So basically, Miranda Kerr could ask out that nerd from accounts and he’d still dump her for daring to make the first move.
Ah – the new not returning a guy’s call. Ellen and Sherrie must be getting soft with age – they actually allow you to communicate with a man you like now. Modern. Their advice is to wait between four and 24 hours before replying to his first text. And then at least 30 minutes to every subsequent text. So what if it takes two days to arrange a trip to the cinema.
Ohh, get Ellen and Sherrie – being all down with Facebook (actually, they had to ask their daughters for advice on this one). “He will know you were thinking about him,” they say. DISASTER. They also advise against too many status updates – especially anything ‘introspective’ like “Karma is a bitch.” Why? “It will sound like you’ve been reading too many self -help books.” Erm…
You know those amazing early dates where one drink leads to three – which leads to ‘I know this secret late night bar’ – which leads to snogging all the way home in a taxi at sunrise. Yeah, Ellen and Sherrie don’t want you to have those. You can have one drink. No more. Otherwise you might end up doing something you regret. Like having fun.
Ellen and Sherrie even have some fashion advice for us, too. Good news – you can keep your skinny jeans. They love anything skin tight – especially tops with push up bras and short skirts. “We remind women to dress for men, not other women,” they say. Oh, and get yourself down to H Samuel, pronto. “We think that any Rules girl’s best accessory is big (three-inch) hoop earrings.” Why? To catch a man’s attention, of course.
So, Love Actually is on telly. Everyone is tweeting LOLZ comments about that ridiculous scene with Keira Knightley and Andrew Lincoln. You want to join in. STOP RIGHT THERE. Tweeting about rom coms –or love songs - shows too much interest in relationships, say Ellen and Sherrie – and if they’ve taught you anything by now it’s that the key to finding a man is to show absolutely no interest in them whatsoever. *sigh*. As Andrew Lincoln would say – enough now…
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